The Clarity of Silence
by Cats070911
Summary: Tommy's life hangs by a thread after he is critically injured on a case. His family banish Barbara but is she the one person who can reach him?
1. Chapter 1

**Author** **'** **s note:** all usual disclaimers apply. I understand that this story will not appeal to all readers.

* * *

 **Thursday 18 June 8:20 pm Ruislip Woods**

Tommy

The twilight drowned the forest in an eerie tangerine light. Tommy was sweating slightly, not from exertion, but from the creeping dread that was slowly overtaking his mind. It was not a premonition as such – he had no specific information about what was going to happen – but he believed something horrendous beyond his imagination lurked amongst the silvery trees.

Barbara seemed oblivious to the threat. She was grumbling about how far it was back to the car and what a waste of time it had been following the lead. "There was no car there at all," she complained, "it's like they lured us here."

Her words echoed his horror. It was exactly as if they had been ensnared in someone's devious trap. On face value it was a highly inappropriate time to tell his feisty little sergeant that he loved her but Tommy feared he might never have another chance. He did not want to die leaving it unsaid. He caught her elbow and stopped her. "Barbara," he said as he looked into her puzzled emerald eyes, "I need to tell you something important."

Barbara frowned at him but he could tell she now sensed his trepidation. "What Sir?" she asked anxiously.

"I should have told you a long time ago but I…well I…" Tommy's ankle exploded in a fiery pain that travelled up his leg. The distant echo of the gunshot reached them as his knees buckled and he fell onto the damp mulch that covered the ill-defined path.

"Sir!" Barbara dropped to her knees and fiddled with his leg. He could feel the pain pulsating as she tried to move him.

"Run!" he cried as he thrust his car keys into her hand, "run before he gets here."

"I can't leave you Sir."

"You have to Barbara, you're my only hope. Go! Ring for back up from the car and get the hell out of here. That's an order Havers!"

Barbara looked at him as if deciding what to do. She rose to her feet. "I'll be back with help. Don't you do anything stupid." She ran back towards the carpark. She moved fast and soon disappeared. He watched long after she had gone from view, willing her to safety. They had come into the forest after a tipoff that Joe Millan's car had been abandoned in the clearing down by the creek. He had not suspected anything untoward but hindsight is a wonderful thing and as he dragged himself behind a tree he panted in agony and cursed his stupidity. Millan was a notorious hunter. Here they were perfect prey. He could only hope that Barbara escaped alive. He had not had time to say the words and now he knew he would never be able to tell her. It was pointless to call out as it would only assist his pursuer so he whispered into the trees, "I love you Barbara."

"How touching," a throaty voice said from behind him, "you love your little bitch. Well Lynley keep that as your last thought."

Tommy did not protest or beg as Millan raised the rifle and pointed it at his chest. He was not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that he was scared. In fact he did not feel scared. Life had simply run its course. He had led an interesting existence with perhaps more tragedy than most but it had not been without its joys. He had regrets, lots of them - the estrangement from his mother, his marriage, the loss of the baby but most of all that he had not realised until lately that everything that he had been searching for was right in front of him. Barbara was the one person in his life that had never let him down and the one person he had truly loved.

Millan pulled the trigger and Tommy expected to die. Instead he was still staring at the man. The rifle had jammed. Millan screamed in frustration and threw the weapon on the ground. He reached into his pocket and sneered at Tommy. "It'll be more satisfying this way."

Millan leapt onto Lynley and tried to wrap the steel wire around his neck. They rolled over as they fought. Tommy was not going to die easily but when Millan jammed his foot down onto Tommy's shattered ankle the pain caused his vision to blur. A few swift kicks to his body and Tommy was vulnerable. He felt the garrotte slip around his throat. He clawed at the wire. His fingers were trapped and as Millan pulled back Tommy's knuckles dug painfully into his neck. Blood dripped down his chest and gradually his vision failed. He could hear his raspy breaths as he desperately fought for air. The evening light faded into black.

Tommy was surprised to see his father standing in the distance. He turned and started to go towards him. Helen stepped out from behind the tall figure and called to him. Tommy stopped moving. He did not want to talk to Helen. He did not know what to say. He had not been able to save her and she would be ashamed of the way he had reacted after she had died. He looked at his father. He too would be disappointed in his son. He tried to turn away but there was nowhere to go. He was been pulled towards them.

Tommy heard Barbara's voice behind him calling to him. "Sir!" He stopped. He wanted to go to her. He turned but it was dark. Faintly in the shadows he could see a shape. It was a lot further away than Helen who was coming towards him. Tommy tried to run back to the voice, back to Barbara.

"Don't you leave me Sir! Come back to me Tommy! Stay with me!"

 _Tommy? She called me Tommy!_ Then the ground gave way beneath him and he began to fall into the abyss.

Barbara

As she ran Barbara pondered what Tommy had been about to tell her. His eyes had been soft and sincere and reminded her of the way he had looked at her that night when he had turned up at her flat after midnight unable to be alone. She had boldly told him that he gave her life meaning and for a few glorious moments his eyes had told her that he loved her. _Was that what he was about to say?_ A shiver ran down her spine. A few steps further and she was on the road. She reached Tommy's car just as she heard a blood-curdling scream come from deep in the forest. It was not Tommy and she could only hope he had, by some miracle, caught Millan. Her breathing was laboured and her shaking hands struggled to unlock her phone. She had not had a clear signal in the forest and now she had one faint bar. She dialled 999 and gave the emergency police code. She explained the situation, gave the location and rang off. She collapsed against the car deciding what to do. She opened the door with fumbling fingers and sat in the car. It smelt of Tommy and her half-eaten chips. She smiled at the memory of him complaining about her dietary habits in his precious Bristol. She would give anything to have him here now, rousing on her.

She started the engine and crunched the gears as she tried to put it into first. "Good job you didn't hear that Sir."

She turned the car around and headed back towards the entrance to the woods. A figure burst from the trees. It was Millan. Without conscious thought Barbara floored the accelerator and rammed him. She watched with satisfaction as his surprise turned to terror. He crunched onto the bonnet with a sickening thud then rolled off just in front of her. She braked and ran back to him. Before she checked if he was alive she handcuffed his left ankle to his right wrist. He groaned and tried to get up but could not move. "Stay there you bastard."

Barbara turned and ran back into the woods. "Sir!"

She reached him quickly. He was lying on his back beneath a tree. "Don't you leave me Sir!" She loosened the wire around his neck. Blood was oozing from the wound. His breathing was shallow and burbling. Barbara clamped her hand across the cut to slow the bleeding. His eyes fluttered open and he seemed to smile. Then he went limp in her arms. "Come back to me Tommy! Stay with me!"

It seemed as if the paramedics would never come. Tommy's blood coated her hands and the sleeves of her jacket. Some ran down onto her jeans. He was bleeding to death and all she could do was hold his head and pray. It did not matter which deity answered as long as he lived. Had Satan appeared she would have gladly bargained away her soul for the man she loved.

Finally she heard sirens. Lights flashed and people called her name. "Down here!" she yelled, "hang on Sir the cavalry has arrived."

A young policewoman wrapped a silver foil blanket around her and guided her away. The paramedics rushed Tommy onto a gurney and into the ambulance. It tore down the road with lights strobing red and blue and its siren screaming like an electronic donkey ee-or, ee-or, ee-or. Barbara had tried to go with him but they held her back. By the time she had been led up to the road Hillier was alighting from a car. He spoke to Winston who was standing near Millan. She could see the man writhing on the ground. She was glad he was alive because she was going to make him pay for what he had done to Tommy.

She closed her eyes and steadied herself for a Hillier onslaught. Instead he was kind and appeared genuinely worried about her and Lynley. "Nkata will take you to the hospital to be checked over. Stay there with Lynley if you wish. I'll contact his mother and arrange for her to come down."

Hillier put his arm around Barbara and she flinched. He would only do that if he suspected the worst. Or knew something! "Sir, do you know anything about Inspector Lynley's condition?"

"No, but you should prepare yourself for the worst Sergeant. The paramedic doesn't think he'll make it to morning."

Barbara heard the words but she could not comprehend them. Tommy could not die, not now, not yet. She needed him. They needed each other. She simply would not let him die. Barbara allowed Winston to guide her to a car. It was then she remembered Lynley's Bristol. "His car," she pointed out to Winston, "he'll never let me drive it again."

"Let's not worry about that now. Let's get you to the hospital."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thursday 18 June 10:08 pm University College Hospital Accident & Emergency**

Tommy

He wanted to claw at his neck but he could not move his hands. He was struggling to breathe and he doubted that the plastic mask pushed tight over his nose and mouth helped. He tried to look for Barbara but his vision was limited by bright lights and the concerned faces of young men and women who were prodding and probing him. He felt them put a drip in his right arm and then the world went soft and fuzzy as a wave of relief, almost pleasure, rippled through him. He closed his eyes and waited.

His body was being controlled by others but his mind was free to roam. He was clearly injured. He remembered being shot and then a fight with Millan. _I'll will need to recuperate somewhere peaceful, perhaps at Howenstowe. I'll insist you come with me. We can talk and spend time away from the office and become comfortable being together as more than colleagues or good friends. Oh Barbara, I want that more than anything in the world. I want to feel you in my arms and have you want me as much as I need you._

He quickly dismissed any creeping fear that she might not reciprocate his feelings. This was his fantasy and she would comply. _You care for me. You haveshown time and again that you care, the way you supported me before I married Helen, while I was married, when I was separated, and after Helen died. You were always there for me, quietly -well not always quietly - picking up the pieces and putting me back together. Now I want you to be with me; to share everything. We can tell the world to like it or lump it. I don't care about my title or what Mother thinks. We can live a simple life if that's what you need. If only I had told you that I love you._

There was a noise and fuss over to the side. "Hang in there Sir. Don't you dare die and leave me." _Barbara!_ He tried to open his eyes but they would not co-operate. He was being wheeled away. Barbara said something else but he could not hear her clearly although he recognised the tone. She did love him. He drifted back to his reverie.

Barbara

She fumed impatiently and snapped at the doctors as they checked her for injuries. They washed Tommy's blood from her face and hands and tried to disinfect her. "Leave it! He doesn't have any horrible diseases and if he does then I'd rather share it than have you wash him away."

"She's in shock," the doctor said, "give her a sedative."

"I don't want a sedative. I just want to know how DI Lynley is!"

"They're prepping him for surgery. They'll have one team on his neck and another trying to save his hands. It doesn't look good but he's fought so far, I don't think he'll give up easily."

"I have to see him!"

The doctor frowned but then took pity and led her to his cubicle. She stopped dead when she saw him. He was bruised and streaked red. She could see where they had wiped through the blood to insert the tubes that drained his wounds and replaced fluids. She called out to him. "Hang in there Sir. Don't you dare die and leave me."

They pushed her gently out of the way and started to wheel him down the corridor. She hesitated for a moment but what did it matter? "I'll be waiting Sir," she called out then added more quietly, "I love you Sir."

 **Friday 19 June 4:37 am Ward 407 University College Hospital**

Barbara

For the first three hours she had paced nervously up and down the corridors wearing a channel in the grey linoleum floor while she waited for word about Tommy's operation. Hillier and Winston had come by about midnight to let her know they processed Millan. He had confessed to attempting to murder Lynley which simplified everything but denied them all the chance to interrogate him.

A nurse had ushered them into the single ward that was to be Tommy's and they had all waited impatiently, superficially talking about the case to mask their fear. About two o'clock Winston agreed to drive Hillier home but Barbara refused to leave. "No, I'll wait until he comes back here."

"Are you going to sit by his bed the way he sat with you?" Hillier asked.

Barbara frowned. "What?"

"When you were shot," he replied evenly, "Lynley sat with you for nearly thirty hours until you woke from your operation. Then he came back to work and rang the hospital every hour until he was sure you'd be okay."

Barbara was astounded. She had always assumed he had gone after Helen because she had never seen him at the hospital. "He never came to see me until I was discharged," she said disbelievingly.

Hillier shrugged. "Guilt I think. He blamed himself for everything that happened. Once he was sure you were safe he kept his distance but he was terrible to be around. Anyway I understand if you want to stay. I don't expect you in tomorrow...today...regardless of what happens."

"He'll pull through Sir," she said confidently. _He has to!_

"Right, of course he will." Hillier patted her hand patronisingly then left her to ponder his words.

Barbara sat in the hard plastic chair by the small window and stared out at the night. Light rain was falling and misty drops obscured her view. She pulled her feet up onto the seat and hugged her legs to her chest. Her chin rested lightly on her knees. She sighed then let her eyes close. All she could see was Tommy's face as they stood in the woods. He had looked serious as he had tried to tell her something that had been important to him. She wished now that he had simply told her. His expression had been, if she had not known better, almost loving. He had grinned at her in that sentimentally mischievous way that cut through her defences and stirred her like no other man ever had. She wanted to hold the memory as long as she could.

Tiredness overwhelmed her and she dozed fitfully. Tommy had been in theatre over four hours and when she woke with commotion in the room she hoped it was Tommy being brought back. Instead his mother and brother had arrived. "Why is she here?" Peter demanded.

"Peter please," his mother chastised him, "Barbara is Tommy's friend." Dorothy Lynley crossed the room and hugged Barbara. "Oh my dear you've been hurt!"

"No! No, I wasn't hurt Lady Asherton. Hello Peter."

His mother stepped back and stared at her. "That's Tommy's blood? Oh goodness."

Barbara stood and allowed Dorothy to sit. She was at a loss to know what to say. "He'll be all right Lady Asherton. I waited. I...I didn't want him to come back and have no one here for him." Dorothy smiled up at her.

"Well we're here now," Peter said dismissively, "so you can toddle back to Camden and have a shower."

"Peter! I won't warn you again."

"Sorry Mother but you heard the doctor, family only."

Barbara did not want to leave but she knew her place. "They assumed when I said I was his partner that I meant...well, you know. I'm sorry but I let them think it because I didn't want to leave him alone."

"That's fine Barbara, really. You are like family to Tommy. Almost like another sister. I want you to stay. He'd want you to stay."

 _Sister!_ Barbara found the word devastating. Of course he would probably feel that way. How silly of her to assume, or hope, that he might have a romantic interest. She felt foolish and wanted to run. She did not want to be with his family and have to try to hide her feelings. "Did they tell you how he's going?"

"The doctor told me he will be in surgery for another hour at least. His larynx has been badly cut and they need to reconnect the tendons in several of his fingers," Dorothy said sadly.

"They're going to leave him in an induced coma for a few days so you may as well go home," Peter added bitterly.

"Not until I see him," Barbara replied not caring if she was rude.

Peter went and retrieved two more chairs from the hall and they all sat in awkward silence and waited.

Dorothy

She had been told that her eldest son had only a thirty percent chance of making it through surgery. She had been staying with Peter near Canterbury and they had raced into London fearing the worst. She had been relieved to hear the doctor say that Tommy was fighting hard but surprised to hear him say that her son's girlfriend was waiting in his room. Tommy had not mentioned a new woman in his life. When she saw Barbara she was confused. Her son would never date his dowdy, argumentative colleague who was socially awkward and lacked the sophistication that Tommy always looked for in his women. She was momentarily annoyed that Barbara had misled the doctors but when she saw all the blood that had stained her clothing and the worry on her face she understood Barbara's need to see he was alive. It must have been traumatic seeing your colleague wounded. She remembered how distraught Tommy had been after Barbara had been shot.

"That's fine Barbara, really. You are like family to Tommy. Almost like another sister. I want you to stay. He'd want you to stay."

And there it was; a momentary flicker of unimaginable pain. Barbara masked her feelings quickly but Dorothy had seen it - poor Barbara was in love with her son. She could understand it. Tommy was tall and although the last few years had aged him badly he was still an attractive man, and of course Barbara had known him when he had been younger and classically handsome. He had his title and was financially comfortable although she doubted that would matter to Barbara who seemed to revel in her working class roots. Dorothy understood that they shared a bond. She had assumed it was like siblings but now she was not sure. As they sat silently waiting she trolled through her memories trying to decide if perhaps Tommy might be in love with Barbara. No, she decided, that was not possible. She knew that Barbara was not malicious or scheming but her son's judgement wasflawed and he could easily become dependent on Barbara and mistake it for something else. Dorothy decided she would need to protect him from Barbara while he was so vulnerable. After tonight she would ban her from visiting.


	3. Chapter 3

**Friday 19 June 7:43 am Ward 407 University College Hospital**

Tommy

He slowly became aware of noises. The doctors were talking about the football scores and the sexy, young theatre nurse that had just started. He could not control his body. He felt oddly detached as if he had no substance and was simply hovering. _Have I died?_ He doubted it or the mood of the doctors would be more sombre. At least he hoped that they would extend more courtesy. He suddenly had the sensation of dizzying movement. Lights seemed to strobe above his closed eyes. They were wheeling him somewhere.

Over the incessant beeping of the damned monitor beside his left ear he could hear his mother fussing and Peter trying to calm her. _I must be back in a ward._ More machines added to odd syncopation to his left and on his right he could now hear the low suck of a machine pulling in air. As the machine whined he felt pressure in his neck and chest. _A ventilator!_ It was not a good sign if he could not breathe by himself. Someone lifted his left arm gently and seemed to hang it on a hook. Then they did the same to his right. Whoever was putting him into these unnatural positions lifted his leg too. He could only imagine what he must look like. Images of the Christmas turkey hanging in the woodshed came to mind.

"Oh Tommy!" he heard his mother cry, "you'll recover son. It will be fine. You've made it through the operation."

"He can't hear you Mother. There's no point."

 _Peter! Yes, there is. I can hear you. Tell me what's going on."_

"You don't know that" _Barbara! Oh Barbara, thank goodness._ "They've operated Sir, on your throat, ankle and hands. They want to keep you knocked out for a few days. Peter and your mother are here. One of us will stay with you until you're better."

"One of the _family_ will," Peter corrected her, "Judith will be down from Yorkshire in the morning. We don't need you hanging around Sergeant Havers."

 _No Peter! Don't go Barbara. Stay with me please. Send them away._

"I have to go now Sir but I will be back. Stay strong and get better." He heard shuffling footsteps. _BARBARA!_

Peter

When he saw his brother Peter was hit with the realisation that he might actually die. Their relationship had never been close, not since Tommy had abandoned him when their father had passed away. _What a ridiculously innocuous term to describe the most painful event in my life. My father didn't pass away – he died alone, in agony while Tommy sulked and Mother could not face him._ _I was only seven you selfish bastard!_ Tommy barely spoke to him or his mother for the next seventeen years. He had sent Christmas and birthday cards and guilt money but he had never loved him the way Peter had needed his brother to care.

Everything seemed so easy for Tommy. Successful at Eton, honours at Oxford, a life of community service while he had struggled. Academically he was brighter than his older brother but he had never fitted in to the rigours of life at Eton. All minor brothers are tormented but Peter had been shy and sensitive and it had hurt him deeply. His mother had said it as boys being boys and the one time he had told Tommy his smug brother had dismissed it as adolescent nonsense and told him to toughen up. He blamed his brother for his heroin habit and he doubted he would ever forgive him. _You drove me away and onto drugs!_

In his mind it would be justified to hate Tommy. Except he did not hate him; he still craved his acceptance. Nothing Peter did, even quitting his habit, was ever good enough for his brother. The irony was that if Tommy died he would become earl. He did not want that any more than he really wanted his brother to die. Beneath all the pain he just wanted what he had always wanted – for his brother to love him.

Peter had seen the look on Barbara's face. She adored his brother, worshipped him like a god. He resented her for that because he knew his brother had abused her friendship over the years and yet she could forgive him in a way Peter could not. He knew his brother depended on her. When he had first met her he had seen it even if they had not. He wondered why his brother would marry Helen when it was his shy and uncouth colleague who made his face light up. _Typical Tommy; blind to the obvious and always trying to do the right thing regardless of the consequences. Well now I have the power. I can stop you having her Tommy. I can make you suffer the isolation and loneliness I've felt all these years._

"One of the family will," he snapped at her, "Judith will be down from Yorkshire in the morning. We don't need you hanging around Sergeant Havers."

Kathy, the nurse

In all her eighteen years as a critical care nurse she thought she had seen every reaction possible but this was new. The patient was likely to die. It was a shame; he was a good looking man but on balance he would probably succumb to an infection or pneumonia and be dead within the week. It was hard but she viewed her role as making her patients as comfortable as possible in their last days. Most families clung together and mourned but this family was on the brink of self-destruction.

She liked the girlfriend. She was genuinely worried about her man. Kathy had watched her sitting at the window pondering a life without him. That look always broke her heart but this time it seemed even sadder knowing that his family did not approve of their relationship. His brother was self-righteous and obviously resented his brother. His mother seemed wracked with guilt for long-past sins. Even his girlfriend seemed burdened by the weight of untold secrets.

Kathy watched the drama unfold around her, the players ignoring her presence. The patient's blood pressure was elevated but she knew he had recognised his friend because he had calmed almost instantly. She would be good for his recovery. So when the polite argument had erupted and the girlfriend, Barbara, left the ward Kathy vowed to help her. She followed her from the room and called her. "Wait! Come back tonight around eight when I come back on shift. I'll make sure you can see him."

Barbara

She was not prepared for the sight of Tommy when he was returned to the ward. He was clearly unconscious and the nurses swarmed around him connecting him to monitors and elevating his damaged limbs so that they would drain more easily. He had a hard, green plastic fitting in his throat below the line of neat stitches that pulled the long cut together. They connected a flexible hose and forcibly pumped air into his lungs.

Peter had his arms around his mother. She was trying to tell the nurses to make him comfortable but very little of any sense came out. Peter helped her to the chair by Tommy's bed. Finally his mother spoke "Oh Tommy!" You'll recover son. It will be fine. You've made it through the operation."

"He can't hear you Mother. There's no point." Peter was harsh and unnecessarily cruel to his mother and his brother. Barbara wanted to yell at him but instead spoke to Tommy. She had read that a lot of people in comas can hear what is going on so if he could she wanted him to know she had been there and let him know what was happening to him. Peter was quick to tell her she was not wanted. Barbara looked at the bitterness on his face and the helplessness of his mother. She did not want to leave Tommy but she knew she was not wanted, at least by his family. Tommy would not want her to upset them.

"I have to go now Sir but I will be back. Stay strong and get better." There was no part of him she could touch to reassure him. She simply smiled grimly at Lady Asherton, nodded to Peter and left the ward. She was leaving now but if Peter thought she would just walk out on his brother at a time like this he had underestimated her.

Barbara felt numb as she left the ward hoping it would not be the last time she would ever see her partner. After ten years working together almost every day this was not the ending she had ever expected. _He's only forty-two! He's too young to die._

"Wait!" She turned to see one of the nurses rushing towards her. Barbara's heart sank. "Come back tonight around eight when I come back on shift. I'll make sure you can see him." Barbara exhaled a long breath that she had not realised she was holding. She had feared the worst. She smiled at the nurse and nodded then hurried through the hospital and out to the cab rank. The cabbie eyed her suspiciously as she climbed in the back. "It's not my blood," she said calmly, "and it's dry."

Dawn was breaking over the city in streaky lines of auburn and gold. On any other day it would be a beautiful morning but today she was too tired and too distressed to care. She gave the cabbie a small tip, grateful for his silence, and rushed inside her tiny flat. She wanted a shower but she could not bear to wash his blood from her skin. It was the only part of him she could hold close. She collapsed on her bed hoping sleep would come quickly but when she closed her eyes all she could see was Tommy hooked up to monitors. She tried to find the memory of the way he had looked at her in the forest but it was lost. Tears welled in her eyes. She tried not cry but then a long wail escaped from within and she began to sob uncontrollably into her pillow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Wednesday 24 June 8:03 am Ward 407 University College Hospital**

Tommy

He waited anxiously for Barbara to arrive. A few hours earlier he had discovered he could open his eyes. It had seemed strange at first. Everything had been blurred and bluish but gradually his eyes had adjusted. His mother had been on watch but she often fell asleep for which he was grateful. Now he could not wait to share his discovery with Barbara.

Since he had been admitted she had arrived promptly at eight each morning and evening during change of shift. Somehow the nurses had persuaded his mother and sister to leave him alone just long enough for Barbara to spend half an hour talking to him. He looked forward to her visits. She stood by his bed telling him about work and the minutiae of her daily battles with Hillier, the weather and her ever unreliable car. She never spoke about how bad he looked or how sad it was or how poor his prospects were of recovery. He had enough of that bad news from his family. Judith's shifts were fine. She would speak briefly and let him sleep. Peter sulked and blamed Tommy for all his life's failings. Had he been able Tommy was convinced he would have hit him but it had given Tommy an understanding of the Lynley self-pity that both boys had inherited from their mother. Tommy had had a lot of time to reflect on his life and behaviour. He had been selfish, especially with Barbara and yet she stayed close and was now enduring grief from his family. He desperately wanted to tell her he was grateful.

Barbara arrived and came up to his bed. A light spray of water splashed his face. "Sorry I'm a bit late. It's raining cats and...can you see me?"

Tommy blinked.

"Twice for yes, once for no."

Tommy blinked twice. It was an effort but the delight on her face was his reward. She looked relieved and proud.

"Do the others know?"

One blink.

"Do you want them to know?"

He knew she would understand. One blink.

"Our secret then?"

Two blinks.

"Could you hear the whole time?"

Two blinks. He saw a shadow cross her face.

"Then you know they don't want me here."

Two blinks.

He saw her hesitate then ask, "do you want me here?"

Four blinks.

"Four? Is that yes twice?"

Two blinks.

"Oh Sir, you've no idea how happy I am today." Barbra sniffed and turned away slightly.

He knew she was trying hard not to cry. _Ask me if I love you!_

Barbara chatted on asking questions. Are you in pain? Can you feel your fingers? Can I get you anything? Her half hour was nearly up. "Now you be good today. I'll be back tonight. I...I've missed you Sir."

Tommy hoped she might lean down and kiss him but she just smiled and waved as she left.

Barbara

It had been a long week. Barbara snuck in to see her boss twice a day. Kathy, the nurse who had approached her on that first night, had helped her although once she had been forced to hide in a storeroom in the hall when Peter had needed extra persuasion to take a break. Kathy had informed the other nurses too and now everyone helped her. Barbara knew that they had developed some romantic story about them being lovers whose relationship was frowned on by the family. By now everyone knew Tommy was Lord Asherton and most of the nurses related to Barbara's working class girl loves aristocratic boy story. At first she had felt guilty but it was largely the truth and if it let her see him then she would use it. Nobody was being hurt by it.

It had rained constantly overnight and with her car out of action again Barbara had needed to catch three buses. She arrived damp and slightly miserable. She put her battered blue umbrella beside his bed. "Sorry I'm a bit late. It's raining cats and...can you see me?"

Her heart leapt. Tommy was looking at her. He had an excited expression. He blinked at her and she wondered if he was trying to communicate. "Twice for yes, once for no."

He blinked twice! Barbra wanted to hug him but there was no room. She felt tears well in her eyes and she discretely turned away so that he would not see. Two big breaths and she could face him. She chatted to him asking questions until it was time to leave. He had waited to share his surprise with her. He did not want his family to know yet. _Stick that Peter and Lady Muck!_

This morning she was tempted to stay and confront his brother but to do that she would have to reveal his secret. She would never betray him so she left promising to return that night. She hurried outside then realised that she had left her umbrella beside his bed. She cursed under her breath then snuck back inside. Judith was sitting in the chair by his bed. She cursed again and went to find Kathy.

Kathy

She breezed into the room and collected the umbrella. "There you are! I must have left it here when I came in first thing." She could see that his sister did not believe her but she could never prove anything.

"How is Barbara? Is she coping okay with Tommy like this?"

Kathy tried to sound smooth. "Sorry who?"

"Barbara, the woman who visits my brother every morning and night and has all the nurses covering for her."

She did not sound angry and Kathy knew her reaction had probably given her away. "Sorry but I thought it was cruel the way your brother turned her away. It does him good. During the time she is here his blood pressure goes down. He knows she's here and it's important to him. He would recover faster if she was able to spend more time with him."

Kathy expected fireworks and to be reported but his sister simply nodded. "I know. He's quite dependent on her. Has been for years. I'll talk to Mother."

 **Wednesday 24 June 7:59 pm Ward 407 University College Hospital**

Barbara

Barbara checked that the room was empty through the glass in the door as she always did then stepped into his ward. "Evening Sir," she said breezily.

"Hello Barbara."

She jumped and turned to see Judith behind the door. "Judith, what a surprise." Her heart sank but she continued to walk across to Tommy. His eyes opened and seemed to plead with her to not give up.

Judith came over and hugged her. "I'm so sorry about Peter and Mother. They should never have stopped you coming."

Barbara tentatively put her arms briefly around Judith then dropped them to her side. "What happens now?"

"I'll leave you with Tommy. Don't worry; I'll start taking the morning and night shifts. Come and spend as much time as you like. He needs you Barbara."

Judith turned to Tommy. "Hello little brother." He opened his eyes. "How does this work?"

"Two blinks for yes, one for no," Barbara answered.

Judith smiled at her brother. "Should I leave you two alone?"

Two blinks. Judith smiled. "I'll leave him to you then. We'll talk later Barbara."

Judith disappeared and Barbara turned to Tommy and smiled. "Seems I have an ally." Two blinks. "Well it looks like I can visit you for longer. I hope you like that idea." Six blinks. Barbara smiled at him and his eyes smiled back with that look that always melted her heart.

Judith

One look told her that her brother's colleague was a more positive influence than his family. Tommy only moved slightly but he had responded to Barbara's greeting. The cagey devil was foxing; he was clearly able to hear everything.

"Hello Barbara."

She watched her brother flinch and Barbara jump. It confirmed her theory. She was not angry but she was disappointed that he was avoiding his family. She hugged Barbara enthusiastically. She had always liked her and thought she balanced her sometimes unintentionally arrogant brother. He had softened a lot since knowing her and was much more understanding and forgiving of people. Perhaps she should lock her in a room with Peter and hope for a positive change.

"Hello little brother. How does this work?" Tommy had reluctantly opened his eyes. Judith had never been happier to see her brother glare at her. He was alive and clearly comprehending life around him. For the first time in days she thought he was going to make it. If Barbara was his confidante or his inspiration she was happy to support it. Tommy knew his mind. He was not a fool and if they had a relationship that they had hidden from the family she would respect that.

She bade her farewell and left them alone to talk in the language they had devised. She had always thought they shared an unspoken understanding and they would need it more than ever. She went to get coffee and wait.

Kathy

Barbara was coming down the corridor but Kathy had not seen his sister leave. Something told her disaster was imminent but she could not reach Barbara in time. She watched anxiously but no one emerged. _Thank goodness. I must've been wrong._

But she had not been wrong and a couple of minutes later his sister left the ward looking lighter and happier. Barbara 1, Family 0.

Kathy was about to enter the ward when she stopped at the door and watched. Barbara was talking to him and seemed to be getting feedback. _Cheeky bugger! He's awake._ She was about to fetch a doctor but she saw the relief and love on Barbara's face. It seemed he had been awake for a while, so another hour or so would not hurt. She walked back to the nurse's station whistling gaily. She liked a good love story.

Tommy

Tommy resented his sister's interference. He hated that they had been discovered but not because he was ashamed of fooling his family but because his secret time with Barbara was under threat. Once his brother and mother knew he imagined they would try to stop her seeing him. He would fight that by any means he could. He could clamp his eyes shut and ignore them until they relented.

Barbara chatted happily about nothing in particular but he hung on every word. He could now move his eyebrows and had amused her with his expressions. "I'm going to have to go Sir," she said eventually, "it's nearly eleven." He blinked once. "Yes it is and I really should go. If I don't come back it won't be my fault."

Tommy heard an alarm go off and Barbara glance guiltily to his left. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'll be back in the morning." The alarm stopped. "You want that it seems." Four blinks. Barbara leant over him and looked into his eyes. For a moment he thought she was going to kiss his forehead but instead she simply smiled. "Night Sir."

He watched her leave as far as his vision would allow. He felt instantly lonely and closed his eyes. He opened them again when he heard her footsteps come back. Barbara reached over and kissed his cheek. "Sorry, I had to do that. I'm so glad you're back with us. Did you mind?"

One blink and he concentrated hard on not accidentally blinking a second time. It made his eyes water. Barbara wiped away an errant tear that escaped and ran down his temple. "Everything will be fine Sir. Just focus on getting better."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thursday 1 July 7:43 pm Ward 407 University College Hospital**

Tommy

Today had been tough. They had finally removed his ventilator but breathing was an unexpected effort. He was tired and irritable. They had pulled out the sutures from his left hand. There was a cut across his palm but he could wiggle his fingers and had feeling everywhere. His right hand however was a different story. He could only feel two fingers and he had no control over his hand. It had a tremor and his fingers were still badly swollen. The physiotherapist had tried to get him to squeeze a soft ball but he could barely grip it.

They were intending to operate tomorrow to remove the plastic plug and close the hole they had created. The wounds from Millan's garrotte had healed well but Tommy had not enjoyed having the small camera pushed up his nose and down into his throat. He had not expected the doctors to tell him that he might never speak again due to the scarring near his voice box. Tommy had assumed that being mute was temporary. He could hardly communicate by blinking forever.

His family was still with him and Barbara was due soon. She had not touched him again since that short kiss but every day he hoped that she might. His wished the others would leave. They meant well but they sapped his energy. He tried yawning and closing his eyes and ignoring them but nothing seemed to work. "You have to try Tommy," his mother entreated.

He saw Barbara enter the room before she noticed his family. "Barbara! What a surprise," his mother exclaimed.

Tommy watched Barbara glance at Judith then at him. She spotted the changes immediately and a big smile broke across her face. "Not really, Lady Asherton, I've been coming at eight each evening." Her voice was calm but slightly frosty. Tommy smiled at her encouragingly. He did not want her to be brow-beaten by his mother.

"Tommy's not happy Barbara," Judith interrupted. Barbara looked at him and he shook his head.

"He may never be able to speak again," his mother wailed then dabbed her nose with her white lacy handkerchief.

"Or write," Peter added cruelly, "he'll be stuck in a world of blinks."

"No he won't," Barbara said confidently, "we'll find a way, won't we Sir?"

Tommy smiled at her but blinked twice just to be sure. He wished he could tell her right now how much he loved her.

His mother rose and tried to pass him his ball. "He has to exercise his good hand by squeezing this. I was trying to persuade him when you arrived. He refuses to even try," she said in exasperation. He took the ball and threw it angrily across the room.

Barbara looked at him and frowned. She walked up to the bed and smiled at him. "It's okay," she whispered.

Tommy took her hand and closed his fingers around it, gripping hard so she could not escape. Her look of surprise was soon replaced by a cheeky, red-faced grin. "Hey, not so hard Superman! Seems you can squeeze quite well. Perhaps you have had enough for today? We can try again tomorrow." He knew she meant with the ball but he would be happier to practice holding her hand. "You can let go now Sir."

Tommy shook his head and smiled at the ill-disguised shock on his mother's face and Judith's stifled laughter.

Barbara

She knew today was a big day for him so she risked being early hoping that the family had left. In one way she wanted to confront them. She was tired of hiding. They had nothing to be ashamed of; she was simply his friend and colleague. The fact that she had realised the true extent of her feelings for him when she had thought he might die should have no bearing on anything. Apart from one friendly peck on his cheek when he had come out of his coma she had behaved as she always did.

"Barbara! What a surprise." She took a deep breath. There was mild hostility in his mother's voice.

The tension in the family was clear and she could see Tommy was distressed by it. They were assuming the worst about his future but she could not understand why they had to have these conversations in front of him. Surely he deserved some discretion and someone who had faith in him. "No he won't! We'll find a way, won't we Sir?"

His look of relief and hope nearly broke her heart. She had no idea what would happen but she was not going to give up hope on day one and she would never give up on him. His mother kept on and Barbara grinned at him when he had thrown away the ball like a petulant three year old. "It's okay," she had reassured him.

Tommy had caught her off-guard when he took her hand. It was an act of defiance but she knew he was also thanking her for taking his side. His hand was cool and she could feel the swelling across his palm. She did not want to hurt him but she gave a quick return squeeze. She saw the shock on the faces now staring at them and she began to blush guiltily. _What must they think? We look like we're holding hands._ "You can let go now Sir."

She saw him shake his head. _Oh Sir, what have you done?_

 **Thursday 8 July 10:23 pm Ward 407 University College Hospital**

Tommy

He waited anxiously for Barbara. They nurse had told him she had phoned to say she would be late. She was stuck in Richmond on a case. They had been practicing his hand exercises all week and it had become routine that she walked in the door and straight to his bed where he would take her hand. She had even begun to gently massage and manipulate the fingers on his bad hand. It hurt a bit but for him it had nothing to do with his therapy and everything to do with the admittedly odd way that he was trying to tell her that he wanted their relationship to blossom into something he imagined would be beautiful.

"Evening Sir," she said brightly as she moved to his side "sorry I'm late but I was held up."

He waved hello then took her hand. Tonight he took the extra risk of bringing it to his lips and kissing it softly. He watched her eyes widen in shock but she made no attempt to pull away. They watched each other intensely for longer than friends should and he saw her swallow. "Someone's in a good mood it seems," she said breaking the spell. "They are going to move you to the rehab ward tomorrow so they must be happy with your progress. We'll have you out of here before you know it."

Tommy nodded then frowned as she stifled a yawn. He had selfishly not considered that her twice daily visits on top of work must be exhausting. He wished he could ask her to take leave and spend her days with him. She yawned again and he patted the bed beside him offering her a chance to sit. He expected her to argue but instead she sat gratefully while she told him about the case. At that angle they could not hold hands but Tommy had his arm behind her. When she yawned again he tapped her on her hip and jerked his head.

"You sure? They won't like it."

Tommy nodded and grinned then tapped her again. Her face reddened but she swung her legs up onto the bed and rolled onto her hip so that she was facing him. She was leaning on her elbow and seemed to be taking great care not to touch him. Tommy slowly moved his hand closer until it was resting on the small of her back. She blushed again, smiled shyly and continued her story but he was only half listening. She grew drowsy and slowly sank down onto his shoulder. He wrapped his arm over her then closed his eyes and sighed when her hand moved to rest lightly on his stomach.

Barbara

If she had not known how important her visits were to Tommy she would have gone straight home to bed. She had been on her feet all day door-knocking houses and searching for clues to the latest murder. More than anything she wanted a long, warm bath and a cup of cocoa. But she would miss not seeing him almost as much as he would miss her. When they spent time together at work it seemed normal. That was what partners did. With him absent everything had changed. She did not enjoy being a detective nearly as much but more tellingly she simply missed time with him. No matter how she tried to justify or disguise her feelings the truth was clearer every day - she was utterly besotted with him. There was a sentimental, dopey side of it where she imagined they could have a happy ever after and there was a practical side where she knew that every day with his injuries would be a test. Then there was the logical side that reminded her Tommy thought of her like a sister. None of that mattered as long as she could be with him.

"Evening Sir; sorry I'm late but I was held up."

His cheeky wave and broad smile made her forget her day. He took her hand as usual but surprised her when he kissed it. She caught his eye. He was trying to tell her something but she could not quite understand. What she wanted to ask was not the sort of question you could easily answer yes or no. She wondered if he could see her feelings for him. She swallowed and tried to change the subject. "Someone's in a good mood it seems."

Barbara yawned more from nerves than tiredness. Tommy patted the bed asking her to sit. She was tired and it was tempting. She had to stand to see him properly and her feet ached. She looked around but there was no nurse to yell at her so lowered herself gently onto the bed. He poked her on her tail. She knew he wanted her to climb up beside him. It was probably against every hospital regulation they had, but she obliged. She wanted to snuggle down against him and hold him close but that would be far too forward. Instead she arranged herself so she could look at him and talk without any physical contact.

Tommy grinned at her and she felt her resolve slip. She kept talking but when his hand came to rest on her back Barbara gave in to her tiredness, her hopes and her opportunity. She slowly lowered herself into the crook of his shoulder. He had time to object but instead he tightened his grip and held her close. Barbara had very few reference points but his touch did not feel brotherly. Instead it was peaceful and gentle. She wickedly thought that he would be a slow and tender lover. Maybe one day she could put it to the test. In the meantime she put her arm over him and cuddled close. He smelled vaguely like his car and she was instantly secure reasoning that if he objected she would claim exhaustion and leave. She heard him sigh and smiled. It seemed his mother might not know her son as well as she thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Fri** **day 9 July 6:40 am Ward 407 University College Hospital**

Peter

He had decided to go back to Canterbury and to take his mother for the weekend. She was fragile and worried and needed a break. Her relationship with his brother was always marginal and Peter sensed that Tommy was withdrawing further from his family since Judith had returned home to Yorkshire.

He slipped in to tell his brother but was appalled to find him sleeping peacefully beside Barbara. "What the hell is going on? We made it perfectly clear that we don't approve of you trying to take advantage of Tommy you gold digging whore! You might worship him but he's not for the likes of you. You'd never make him happy."

Peter heard his brother's alarms go off and a nurse came running. Barbara jumped from the bed and yelled at him, "it's not like that!"

"I don't care what you think. I have to protect our family." He saw the pain on his brother's face. It was obvious that Tommy loved her. _Good, see how you like having someone you love ripped away!_ Peter stormed from the room.

Barbara

She woke to the ravings of Peter. _Did he just call me a gold digging whore?_ She almost fell off the bed in her haste to stand. She looked guiltily at Tommy. Last night she had been happy. She had believed that together they could conquer his injuries and the future. Now Peter was accusing her of trying to trap him.

"It's not like that!" she almost screamed at him.

"I don't care what you think. I have to protect our family." She watched in dismay as Peter flounced from the room. She could see that very little of this was about her; it was all about the bad blood and bitterness that flowed through the Lynley relationships.

She turned back to Tommy. "I'm sorry Sir, I should go."

Tommy blinked once and extended his hand. Kathy rushed past her and killed the alarm then checked him over. Barbara stood waiting, wondering what to do. When Kathy left, she walked over to his bed. She accepted his hand and squeezed back in response to his gesture. She leant over and kissed him softly on his cheek. "Sorry Sir, I didn't mean to come between you and your family." Barbara fled the room. She could not look back at him or her resolve would fail.

Tommy

Tommy had not slept as well for years. Barbara's loyalty, and dare he think love, gave him strength. He had a hard, uncertain road ahead but he had renewed confidence that everything would be fine. His left hand was almost normal and he had reasonable movement in his right. His ankle was healing and the doctors thought at worst any limp would be slight and probably disappear within a year. The only real concern was whether or not he would be able to talk again. He hoped so. He only needed to say four words, 'I love you Barbara.'

He woke to yelling. Peter was ranting and accusing Barbara. She leapt up too quickly for him to wrap his arms around her and let both she and Peter know that if it were a choice between her and his family, there was no contest. Barbara had proved time and again that she was there for him.

Alarms beeped and Peter rushed out of the ward. Barbara had taken his hand and he thought she understood when she kissed his cheek. He smiled at her but she did not make eye contact. "Sorry Sir, I didn't mean to come between you and your family."

He watched helplessly as she walked out of his room and possibly his life. _No! Come back Barbara!_

 **Tuesday 28 July Noon Howenstowe**

Tommy

He looked around his bedroom despondently. This was where his family planned to confine him until he improved or died. After that traumatic morning when Barbara had left him Tommy had withdrawn from everything. They had transferred him to the Rehab ward but he had stubbornly refused to co-operate with any of the activities. He had refused to eat or wash and the doctors had been forced to reattach his drips to give him nutrition and keep him hydrated. Three times he had ripped them out until they had used restraints to tie him to the bed.

His mother and Peter had visited. He had clamped his eyes shut and refused to communicate with them. Judith had come down to see him and had asked him directly if he was in love with Barbara. He had kept blinking until she had gently laid her hand on his shoulder. "Okay Tommy, I understand. I'll do what I can."

For the next few days he had been hopeful but Barbara had not appeared. Then one night Judith had sat on the edge of his bed, held his hand and told him that she had visited Barbara to ask her to come and see him. Barbara had refused. Judith tried to explain but Tommy stopped listening. How could he even know whether Judith had seen her? He no longer trusted anyone. The one person he knew he could trust had abandoned him. He could understand her reasoning. She was an honourable person and he knew that she had his best interests at heart. _But if you knew how I felt you'd know you mean more to me than anyone!_

Despite his understanding a slow burning resentment began to fester. Barbara had abandoned him when he most needed her. If she truly loved him she would have stood up to his family.

Kathy

When she had accepted Lady Asherton's lucrative offer to nurse Lord Asherton she had thought of a stately pile in beautiful surroundings but she not expected the tension that inhabited every corner of the house. Tommy co-operated with her ministrations but she thought it was only because he felt sorry for her and did not want to create more problems than necessary. He was maudlin and sulky but she could understand why and her heart went out to him when he would sit by the window and stare out at the long winding driveway as if he was expecting that at any moment Barbara would drive down it.

She had been ringing Barbara every day to let her know what was happening. She was honest, hoping that one day her love for Tommy would overcome her belief that she was doing the right thing for him 'in the long run'. Several times Kathy had wanted to scream that there was no long run if he did not survive the short run! Every day she watched Tommy dying and with each phone call she heard Barbara slowly wither.

Dorothy

Tommy's mother paced the large reception room at the front of her home. She had badly misunderstood her son and his relationship with Barbara. Even at the time she knew she should have gone looking for Barbara when she failed to visit Tommy after Peter's meltdown. She had seen how it had affected her son but she had been upset by the discovery of his will the night before. She had not searched for it but she had to keep the estate running and so had been sorting papers in the study of his London house. Tommy had willed the house to Barbara when he made a new testament after Helen died. Dorothy had been shocked. At the time it had seemed disrespectful to Helen and Dorothy had easily believed Peter's assertion about Barbara being out for his money. In the weeks since she had had far too much time to reflect. Barbara was not after his money, she loved him and would still love him if he were penniless. If she had been a gold digger she would have stayed and tried to divide Tommy from his family. Leaving had told Dorothy that she respected them and wanted only what was best for him. Ironically seeing how her son had behaved and how he had lost his will to live Dorothy understood that Barbara was the one person who could reach him.

The phone rang and Dorothy jumped. "Lady Asherton speaking...oh Sir David...what's wrong?"

 **Tuesday 28 July 12:30pm Assistant Commissioner Hillier's office**

Hillier

Sir David had spoken to his old friend Dorothy not long after Barbara had requested leave. At first he had assumed it had been to spend more time with Lynley but he had soon been informed that Peter had accused Barbara of an inappropriate relationship with him. Barbara had left and not returned.

Hillier was not concerned by confirmation of their relationship. It had been widely known that they were virtually inseparable. He had seen the way they looked at each other when the other one was not looking. Hillier had always assumed that one day they would be standing over a body, look up and catch each other's look and that would be the end of the most successful detective partnership in The Met and the beginning of a powerful personal partnership.

Barbara had been back a few days but looked dreadful. He wondered if she had slept at all during the last three weeks. "Ah, Sergeant Havers. I have some disturbing news."

Barbara turned white and sank into the chair by his desk. _Oh dear God, she thinks he's died._ "DI Lynley is fine," he said hurriedly, "it's Millan. He's escaped while they were transporting him to prison."

"Oh." Now Haver's face was flushed. Hillier could not read what was going through his mind.

"I'm concerned that he might try to get to Lynley. I've arranged for the Cornwall boys to post guards on the house but I am sending you and Nkata down to stay with him. I want one of you with him around the clock."

Havers paused and seemed to be considering her response. Lynley had been good for her tact over time. "Sir, I can't I'm sorry. There were some family issues and I will not be welcome there."

"On the contrary Havers. When I informed Lady Asherton she insisted I send you."

Barbara frowned. "I doubt that."

"I think her words were 'no one would protect my son better. She'd die before she'd let anyone harm him.' And I agree."

Hillier was shocked by her reply. It was not what she said but the fact she had voiced it to him knowing what it could mean for her career.

Barbara

The last three weeks had been hell. Almost every day she had gone to the hospital determined to visit Tommy but only once had she made it inside the front door. When Judith had come to see her Barbara had put on a tough front and had refused to admit she loved him. "He's like a brother to me," she had insisted, "that's why I want him to make peace with his family." She could tell Judith had seen straight through her.

Kathy had tracked her down and explained they were moving him to Cornwall. Barbara had been devastated to hear that Tommy was fading away. "He's pining for you," the nurse had told her, "come down and see him. He's stopped listening to anyone else."

Barbara has refused but each day Kathy rang and it seemed he was slipping further. Barbara was now longer certain about anything but she had decided to drive down at the weekend and try to see him. Somehow she would find the strength to confront his family. She had failed him. She had thought she was helping but she knew she had to go to him.

Now she had been summoned to see Hillier; that was never good. He wasted no time. "Ah, Sergeant Havers. I have some disturbing news."

Barbara felt her legs turn to jelly and she collapsed into a chair. _I'm too late!_ "DI Lynley is fine." She looked up relieved but puzzled. As Hillier relayed the threat to Tommy Barbara's mind raced. She wanted to go to him but Hillier had to be told about his family and their resentment of her. Unbelievably Hillier was trying to convince her that his mother would accept her. "I doubt that."

His reply shocked her but it was true. "I love him," she said simply no longer caring if it was inappropriate.


	7. Chapter 7

**Tuesday 28 July 7:12 pm Nearing Howenstowe**

Winston

Neither of their cars was capable of the six hour drive to Cornwall. Hillier had grumbled but had arranged for a rental car for them. It was a compact Honda. At first Winston thought it was too small. He felt like a bear in a circus car but the vehicle won him over as he drove. It still had that unique smell of new plastic that Winston had only experienced on the odd wishful-thinking trip to the car yards. None of his family or friends had ever had new cars. "This is cool," he said as he had sped along the freeway managing to just keep within the speed limit. "It accelerates so smoothly and check out the display panel. It tells you everything about the car."

"Mmm," Barbara answered absently. She had barely spoken the whole trip. Her gaze had been vacant and she had pretended to look out at the city fading into suburbs and then becoming farmland with scattered villages and towns. Winston rarely drove in the countryside so he amused himself by counting how many of the distant village steeples were square Normanesque structures and how many were the more familiar spires.

Naturally he was concerned about the DI. He had visited him once in hospital but had found it awkward. He dreaded having to spend hours with him when he could not talk. _Do I talk to him? Just sit there like a guard dog? What the hell do I say to his family?_ He had stewed about it the entire trip. _How do I even know what knife or fork to use?_ The next few days were going to be disastrous.

Barbara

Overwhelming excitement and paralysing fear fought a battle in Barbara's stomach. As she sat and tried to avoid Winston waxing lyrical about the damned rental car she played out scenarios in her head. The one she preferred was where Lady Asherton was too upset to see them so Barbara could race up the stairs to Tommy's bedroom. She would open the door. He would smile broadly and open his arms and she would rush to him, tell him how sorry she was for abandoning him and hold him forever.

Unfortunately that was unlikely. In another version she would have a shouting match with his mother, Tommy would refuse to speak to her because she had left him and she would sit by his bed hoping Millan would come and kill her. She shook her head to rid herself of the image of Tommy's disappointed face. She knew he could be unforgiving at times but she could not bear the thought that he would ever hate her.

If she had been alone in the car she would have screamed in frustration. Her emotions were balanced on a razor's edge and knowing her luck she would slip and cut herself badly. She was not sure she could be detached and professional. In fact she was sure she could not.

Winston was talking to her but she had no idea what he was saying. "Mmm," she said non-committedly hoping it was not out of context. In less than an hour she would know the future. She could only hope that Tommy would forgive her.

 **Tuesday 28 July 7:53 pm Howenstowe**

Dorothy

The room was too warm but with Tommy now bedridden Dorothy thought he needed the warmth. She leant against the doorframe and watched anxiously as he slept. Without a nightly sedative he was unable to settle but she hated having to have him drugged. His moodiness had spiralled into a deep depression in the last few days and she genuinely feared the outcome. She would much rather he became angry and aggressive. At least then he would be fighting for life. Now she was convinced he was trying to die. If Millan had not escaped Dorothy had planned to go to London and beg Barbara to return with her. His gritty but devoted friend was her son's only hope.

 _If only she can make a difference._ Dorothy had recognised too late that she should never have allowed her prejudices to overcome common sense. Peter had been so persuasive in convincing her that Barbara was not an innocent friend and not good for her son. 'An improper relationship that dragged down the family's good name' he had said. Barbara was not worthy of Tommy, not in his league, a good bed mate but a terrible wife. Of course you cannot decide who you fall in love with or when; she knew that only too well from bitter experience. So what if Peter was right and she had been his mistress for years? _If they love each other and she can help him recover why should I care if she will be a fitting countess? I just want my son back!_

She closed the heavy oak door and went downstairs to wait. She hoped Barbara would forgive her or at least be able to be neutral and civil. She knew that once Barbara saw Tommy she would do everything she could to help him recover but she had no idea if she would help bring him back to his family. She would not blame either of them if they never forgave her. A car crunched over the crushed stone driveway. She took a deep breath, painted a smile on her face and opened the door.

Barbara

As Winston turned into the drive they looked at each other and both took their last deep breath of freedom. "Good luck," Winston said grimly.

"You too. Just be yourself Winston, they're good people." She sounded convincing but she was no longer sure if she believed it.

The door swing open as the Winston killed the engine. Lady Asherton was smiling but Barbara could see the tension. _Is it Millan, Tommy or me that has you so frightened?_

His mother waited at the door. Winston grabbed his duffel and Barbara's backpack from the boot. Barbara's stomach was doing somersaults. She was afraid not only of the encounter with his mother but what she would find with Tommy. She counted to five in her head then walked towards the gates of Hell.

"Lady Asherton," she said politely.

To her amazement the woman rushed over and embraced her in a bear hug. "Oh Barbara. Please call me Dorothy. I am so dreadfully, dreadfully sorry. We behaved appallingly...I behaved appallingly. I don't expect you to forgive us but please, for Tommy's sake, save him." Barbara felt a damp spot on her neck where his mother had buried her face.

Barbara patted his mother on her back twice to console her. It was clear that his mother was sincere but she could not truly forgive her until she knew Tommy would recover. "Can I see him?"

"Oh course, he's asleep in his room; up the stairs, third room on the left."

She turned to a confused Winston. "I'll take tonight's shift. Come up in the morning." Barbara pushed past his mother and ran up the stairs two at a time. She stopped outside his door and composed herself. If he was sleeping she would not disturb him but she hoped he would sense her and wake.

The old door squeaked as she slowly pushed it open. She took a step forward and stopped. The room reeked of antiseptic and decay. The small lamp on a corner table cast a hazy blue shadow across the room. She could instantly see Tommy had lost weight, a lot of weight, and his face was sallow and sunken. She gasped. Her eyes filled instantly with guilt and sadness and she wiped away a stray tear. A drip tube was in his arm just above his damaged right hand which was lying limply on the sheet. His fingers were still inflamed and they curled unnaturally. Tommy was sleeping in a semi-foetal position as if he was shutting out the world. It was much worse than Kathy had described.

Barbara kicked off her shoes and walked to the bed. She sat down gently beside him and watched him. His breathing was shallow but regular and he was snoring softly. A lock of limp hair hung down over his eye. She reached out and carefully pushed it up trying not to wake him. She pulled her legs up onto the bed and snuggled close. He was skeletal. His flesh had melted from him and she could feel the hard ridges of his bones as she held him. But it was Tommy in her arms and she closed her eyes momentarily to savour the sensation. She kissed the top of his head softly then guided it gently into her chest while she brushed his face with loving caresses. His skin was dry and leathery and she cursed herself for not fighting to stay with him. He had deteriorated far more than she had feared. "I'm here, and if you'll have me this time nothing and nobody is going to tear me away. I love you Tommy more than you can ever know." She felt him go limp in her arms. Fear shot through her until she realised he was still snoring. She looked up to try and calm her thumping heart. The curtains had not been drawn on the patterned French windows and beyond them she could see the heavens. Everything was brighter here than in London. Silvery dots illuminated the dark sky and she could understand why sailors used them to navigate. Her eye caught movement as a shooting star darted across window. She did not believe in omens and signs but oddly it gave her faith and comfort that he would heal.

Tommy

The night had begun badly as they always did. It took nearly an hour for the sedative to take affect and for sleep to rescue him from the tumult of his mind. He knew he was dying. He vacillated between worrying and craving it. When he was worried it was because he wanted Barbara. He still believed that they could overcome all of this and be happy. However when he had really needed her she had left him to cope alone. Whatever he had seen in her eyes was not love; at least not the all-consuming, selfless love that he craved.

A small kernel of hope still lingered in his mind. Every night he could escape reality and dream of being re-united with her. Tonight it was so real. He could even smell the faint lavender of her cheap laundry detergent and feel the tickling joy of her fingertips brushing his face. He nuzzled closer and could have sworn that his face was nestled safely in her bosom; a breast that he had often fantasised about kissing. He could almost feel her warm breath in his hair and her soft lips on his forehead. He thought about the way he would make love to her for the first time. He would kiss every inch of her skin slowly, excruciatingly slowly, until she told him she loved him. "I'm here and if you'll have me this time nothing and nobody is going to tear me away." Her voice wavered with emotion but he knew she loved him. He wanted to open his eyes but he knew that meant pain. He fought to stay asleep and lost in Barbara. "I love you Tommy more than you can ever know." Pure ecstasy overtook his body like an afterglow and he drifted deeper into his dream of making love to the only woman who had ever truly loved him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Wednesday 29 July 6:00 am Howenstowe**

Kathy

She could instantly see the difference in her patient as he lay cocooned in the arms of the woman he loved. The torment that had made his body stiff and ungainly had gone. She could not help but smile as she watched them sleeping sure that it was the first night in weeks that either of them had found peace.

She gently shook Barbara awake. "Sorry but I have to wash and toilet him then replace his drips. Why don't you go for a shower and some breakfast? Lady A has put you next door down the hall. Have you spoken to him?"

"Hi Kathy. No, not yet. Yeah a shower might be good. It's going to be a long day."

She supported Tommy's head while Barbara slipped out of the bed. The policewoman looked tired and despite obviously getting some sleep she wondered how long Barbara had stayed awake cradling her dying partner. "He's weak but he still has a chance."

Barbara glared at her. "He'll be fine," she snapped. Kathy looked down. She could not blame Barbara's anger. "Kathy, I'm sorry. I know I should've come earlier. I just have to believe he will recover."

Kathy patted her arm. "Give me half an hour then come back and see him."

Barbara smiled tightly then kissed Tommy lightly on his forehead. "Thanks."

After Kathy heard the click of the door she turned to Tommy. "Righto then. Today you have to decide if you live or die."

Barbara

"Sorry but I have to wash and toilet him then replace his drips. Why don't you go for a shower and some breakfast? Lady A has put you next door down the hall. Have you spoken to him?"

The light and the voice were disorienting. Barbara opened her eyes and saw Tommy still in her arms. Everything flooded back. "Hi Kathy. No, not yet. Yeah a shower might be good. It's going to be a long day."

"He's weak but he still has a chance." The words of his nurse stunned her. _A chance? No, he'll be fine. I'm here now. He has to live._

"He'll be fine!" Tommy was not going to die. She looked at him in the morning light. He was grey and frail. There were no guarantees. _Oh God, this is all my fault._ Guilt invaded her soul. "Kathy, I'm sorry. I know I should've come earlier."

She wanted to cry and shake him and insist he live but she knew it would take much more than that. She would need to give him a reason to live but if love was enough he would be fine. "I just have to believe he will recover."

"Give me half an hour then come back and see him." The nurse was trying to be supportive and Barbara knew that they would become friends. She kissed Tommy then headed for her room, rehearsing what she was going to say to him.

 **Wednesday 29 July 6:32 am Howenstowe**

Winston

The old house made him decidedly uncomfortable. His room was large but the heavy oak panelling, musty dankness and narrow windows made him feel like a medieval prisoner forever entombed in the castle keep. His four-poster bed creaked every time he moved and the mattress was so soft that he felt as if he were drowning in feathers. _Give me the city any day!_

The DI's mother had been welcoming and friendly but seemed determined to stop him going to check on Barbara. It seemed she had self-selected the night shift which meant he would have to talk to the DI during the days. He would suggest they swap. He had no idea what to say to Lynley and with him unable to lecture everyone on the finer points of policing they would simply sit and stare at each other.

He was just finishing his tea and eggs when Barbara came into the dining room. "How is he?"

"Not good. Listen Winston I'll take the day shift and you can take nights. It'd be easier I think."

 _Thank you God!_ "Yes, good idea." Barbara gulped down a coffee and went back upstairs leaving him to contemplate a day in the house. Perhaps a long walk might be good.

Barbara

Her head throbbed and she knew she needed coffee to face the day. She scurried downstairs and poured a large cup that she drank as she spoke with Winston. The poor man looked miserable but jumped at the chance to swap shifts. She smiled at his eagerness to avoid talking to Tommy.

Kathy was just leaving the room with a basket of laundry when Barbara came up the stairs. "How is he?"

"He's holding his own. He wasn't anxious so I don't think he knows you're here."

"Well that's about to change. I only hope he will forgive me."

Kathy patted her arm. "He will love; any man who works himself into this state because of a woman is just looking for an excuse to forgive her."

"We'll soon find out. Wish me luck."

"Good luck but it'll be fine. Just be prepared for a long journey back."

"I am."

Barbara opened the door and peered in. Tommy was propped up in bed but had his eyes closed. He looked asleep but Kathy had warned her he used that as an avoidance mechanism. She walked to the end of his bed and leant as casually as she could against the table that Kathy used to hold his medical supplies.

"Hiya."

His eyes shot open and he stared at her. His first undeniable expression was joy. He smiled and looked at her in a way that made her legs go weak. Within five seconds though he had clamped his eyes shut. She had rehearsed so many versions of her apology that she had no idea which one she would use. In the end it was none of them. "Oh no you don't. You're not shutting me out too. Open your eyes Sir."

His eyes remained stubbornly closed. She could not look and unconsciously closed her own. "Right, well I would have preferred you could see me when I say this but I did it because I love you Tommy. I'd do anything for you including sacrificing being with you just so you could be happy. I thought you needed your family more than me but I was wrong. We need each other to survive don't we? Being away from you nearly killed me and you've done a damn good job of trying to kill yourself. I was wrong but don't punish us both. Forgive me and let me in."

She opened her eyes to see him looking at her with such tenderness that she began to sob. She sniffed in a way quite unbecoming of a gentleman's companion but it made him grin. She was waiting for a sign and when he raised his hand she grabbed it eagerly. His grip was weak but he was trying to pull her towards him. She sat on the bed and watched his eyes. She knew she was forgiven. Tommy reached up and stroked her face. His hands were as rough as sandpaper but she did not care. She leant forward and kissed him briefly and softly. She went to pull away but his hand found the strength to pull her closer. This time he kissed her. It was gentle and made her lips tingle. She guiltily thought she should be making him eat and build up his strength but sometimes love in enough. She let him lead understanding he had no words to respond to her little speech. The only way he could answer was through the tenderness of his kiss.

Tommy

He did not want to wake from his dream. He had been holding Barbara and she had told him she loved him. His alternative reality was far better than life in this suffocating room. His nurse seemed to be taking extra care this morning and scrubbed him hard, especially in areas he would prefer she avoided. She had also made him clean his teeth twice. "A man can never have teeth that are too clean," she had told him. _Mad bloody woman!_ When she left he sank back against his pillows and returned to his reveries.

"Hiya." It was Barbara. _That_ _was Barbara! I'm not dreaming._ He opened his eyes and there she was, standing nervously at the foot of his bed. He grinned foolishly as his heart somersaulted. _Last night had been real!_

He wanted desperately to touch her but she had hurt him badly by abandoning him. He closed his eyes and thought about what to do. Without words he could not tell her what she meant to him.

"Oh no you don't. You're not shutting me out too. Open your eyes Sir."

He did but smiled to see hers were closed. He listened to her speech. He had understood why she had left him. It still hurt but hearing the pain in her voice and seeing her tears made it irrelevant. She had done it because she loved him and she had called him Tommy. His damned brother had caused all this and Tommy was determined to get retribution. When Barbara opened her eyes he lifted his hand and invited her to come to him. She took it and sat beside him. He ached to tell her he loved her. He placed his shaky hand on her face and tried to get her to come closer. He cursed his clumsiness. She kissed him as if he would break then started to move away. With all the strength he could muster he encouraged her to stay. He knew his lips were rough but they were his only tools. He kissed her gently. He could tell she was nervous and inexperienced and he wanted to say it would be all right. Not having a voice had never been so frustrating.

Tommy knew the point he should stop. He paused and rested his forehead against hers as he ran his fingers lightly down her face and neck. He kissed her again. This time he coaxed her lips open and she responded eagerly. He smiled as he thought of Kathy insisting on him having clean teeth. Barbara moved away but he shook his head and pulled her back. Their third kiss was slow but by unspoken agreement it deepened into the most lovingly passionate kiss he had ever experienced.

Dorothy

She had stopped by to stay good morning to her son. She stood at the door as Barbara was delivering her soliloquy. Tommy was looking at her with such adoration that it broke Dorothy's heart to think she had kept them apart. She knew she should leave them to their private moment but she could not move. The gentle sensitivity in their first kiss enthralled her. _They're not lovers!_ The revelation startled her and she was ashamed of her earlier assumptions. It was clear that years of suppressed feelings were about to surface. They were looking at each other with such desire and commitment that Dorothy noiselessly closed the door. A love that strong and pure deserved privacy and a space untainted by the damaged heart of a sad, interfering old woman. She went to telephone Peter and summon him home to make peace with his brother.


	9. Chapter 9

**Wednesday 29 July 6:50 am Howenstowe**

Barbara

The frustration was etched on his face. Despite clearly wanting to continue kissing her Tommy had quickly become breathless and tired. She eased him back against the pillows and smiled reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere. We can continue later if you'd like."

Two blinks and a tired grin. "Thought you'd say that. Now we have to focus on getting you stronger. Are you going to start eating again?"

Tommy blinked twice. "Good. You'll need soft food and not too much at first but you also need to drink more. I'll go and organise something while you get some rest." Tommy frowned but nodded. "I'll be back in five minutes."

Barbara opened the door and saw Dorothy lingering in the hall. "Dorothy," she said quite deliberately, "would you like to sit with Tommy while I organise his breakfast?"

His mother nodded her agreement and Barbara smiled warmly at her. "He needs us both. I suggest you use the time to make your peace. I love him and I think he feels the same way. I'm not leaving him again so you had better get used to that too."

Dorothy looked momentarily shocked at Barbara's forthright directions. She recovered quickly. "Of course. I meant what I said last night. I was wrong and I only hope you can forgive me."

"I have. At least now we know that what we feel for each other is real but he's still so weak."

"Tommy has craved someone to love him unconditionally most of his life. He won't give that up."

Barbara watched his mother cautiously enter his bedroom. _Maybe if you had loved him unconditionally he wouldn't be like this!_ She shook her head and sighed. Families were messy creatures. Dorothy looked world-weary and almost beaten. She could only hope Tommy would forgive her.

Dorothy

Peter had promised to drive down that afternoon but he had not promised to welcome Barbara into the family. In the end she had slammed the receiver onto the cradle and cursed her youngest son. She had spoilt him after Tommy had left, trying to make up for the loss of his father and older brother but she had created a self-centred, self-righteous and self-indulgent young man who had never really grown up and accepted that everyone had failings. Now she feared that her sons would be at war and she and Barbara would be caught in the middle.

Barbara came out of Tommy's room. "Dorothy would you like to sit with Tommy while I organise his breakfast?"

In that one line Dorothy knew that Barbara was perfect for her son. She may not have intended it to be so overt but Barbara had taken over control of Tommy's well-being. She nodded once in acceptance. "He needs us both. I suggest you use the time to make your peace. I love him and I think he feels the same way. I'm not leaving him again so you had better get used to that too." _Whoa! Yes Countess!_ Dorothy was amazed but she was pleased to discover Barbara's strength. She had assumed she was subservient to Tommy but Dorothy could see he had met his match. It was likely these two would argue and bicker but she had seen that kiss; the sun would never set on an argument. She tried to assure Barbara that she knew she was wrong. She had a feeling she might need her for support.

"He's still so weak." Barbara was still worried and vulnerable and her candour to someone who had fought to keep her away from him touched Dorothy. Now it was her turn to bolster Barbara's morale. "Tommy has craved someone to love him unconditionally most of his life. He won't give that up."

Relief washed across Barbara's face followed by sadness. Dorothy knew she could become friends with the woman she was sure will surely soon become her daughter-in-law and who understood their family better than any of them.

Her son watched warily as she crossed to his bed. Dorothy took a deep breath. "Barbara has forgiven me. I'm hoping that you can understand and do the same Tommy. I did not intend to be cruel. I thought she was being opportunistic." Tommy glared at her. "No, I think I feared that she was able to love you so single-mindedly when I still carry the pain of you leaving us. I know that at the time it seemed wrong but I still loved your father, it's just that he couldn't fill a void that I needed. You can love two people at once Tommy but I think you've come to understand that haven't you?"

He lifted his hand to her and she accepted. "Am I forgiven?" Her son sighed and nodded. Dorothy could not hold back her tears and hugged her son to her. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Tommy

The morning's event had exhausted him but he was happy. It was not superficial gladness but a deep serenity and hope that he had not had for years. As he lay back thinking about the way she had kissed him he tried to understand what made it so different, so special. Physically probably nothing but it was the bond they shared that transformed the kiss into magic. He could only imagine how wonderful it would be when he was well and they could be alone to explore each other's desires. The thought made him shiver.

Barbara was fussing but he secretly enjoyed her attention. Any excuse he could find to spend time with her was welcome. He wanted to get better quickly and he was happy for her to order him about and feel useful. "I'll be back in five minutes," she said as she left to get breakfast. He smiled at the thought of her trying to cook and hoped that Mrs McCredie had not yet left for her daily shopping run to Nanrunnel.

Barbara had promised she was not going to leave and he was determined that he would never let her go or allow his family to drive her away. Over the last few weeks he had incubated a hatred for his brother. He could not imagine how Peter could ever make it up to him. He was only marginally more forgiving of his mother but he understood he had already caused her similar pain by tainting her love for Trenarrow. It was not a game but it felt as if the score were even and it was time to move on.

When his mother came in he was not sure he could face her. He might have forgiven her but that did not mean he was not still angry. "Barbara has forgiven me. I'm hoping that you can understand and do the same Tommy." Tommy felt the bile rise. "No, I think I feared that she was able to love you so single-mindedly when I still carry the pain of you leaving us." _Ah, there it is! I'm always the one in the wrong. What about the fact I was only seventeen? You were the parent. You should have looked out for me! I never recovered either Mother!_ "You can love two people at once Tommy but I think you've come to understand that haven't you?"

So his mother knew he had been in love with Barbara for years. They were alike, mother and son; both craving love, both torn between desire and duty and both miserable because of their choices. He was determined to break the cycle and he could only do that by rebuilding his relationship with his mother. He raised his hand and she seized it anxiously."Am I forgiven?" He nodded and used his one good arm to hold her as she cried. He knew her sobbing apology was not about the last month but about that day twenty-five years ago when his innocence and faith had been shattered.

 **Wednesday 29 July 7:20 am Howenstowe**

Barbara

She had secretly hoped that she could charm Howenstowe's faithful cook into preparing something but the kitchen was empty. _Damn!_ She looked around in the cupboards and fridge then had a wicked idea. It was calorie dense and easy to swallow she reasoned, perfect for this morning and then when Mrs Mac returned she would ask for soup for lunch.

She grabbed a spoon and was about to return upstairs when she spotted Winston sitting forlornly on the couch in the living room. "Hi Winston. How's it going?"

"A bit boring but okay. I'm just updating Facebook."

She peered over his shoulder. He had his tablet balanced on his knee. "Feeling bored. Stuck in a castle with a mute king and grumpy queen."

"Who's the queen?"

Winston looked embarrassed. "It was just something to say."

"Can you type on a blank sheet on that thing?"

"Yeah, like this," he replied swiping open a new programme.

"Perfect," she said as she grabbed the tablet, "the king is about to speak!"

Barbara raced up the stairs and into his room. "I've found the solution!"

Tommy and Dorothy looked up at her in alarm. Dorothy looked at the tub in her hand and frowned. "Chocolate ice-cream?"

"No this. We can give Tommy back his voice." She sat on the bed and handed it to Tommy who grinned like a child on Christmas morning. "You can use your good hand to type messages."

Tommy used the middle finger of his left hand to clumsily type a message then handed it to her.

 **I love you Barbar. Marry me?!**

She leant over and kissed him tenderly. "Barbar says yes but only when Tom Tom is better."

"Barbar? Tom Tom? What are you two talking about?" Dorothy asked. Barbara laughed and handed Dorothy the screen. "Oh, I knew it! I'm so happy for both of you. Will it be a big wedding? Do you want to hold it here?"

Tommy grabbed the tablet. **When WE decide we'll tell you.**

Barbara started to feed him the ice-cream. "It's full of calories, easy to digest and should be cool on your throat." It looked good so she ate the second spoonful and chuckled at the look on his face.

Tommy

"I've found the solution!"

Tommy wondered if she had solved world hunger or found a cure for malaria. He loved her passion. She had always been enthusiastic about work but when it was about him it felt even better.

When she passed him the tablet he agreed. It felt awkward but he quickly typed what he had needed to say for weeks. **I love you Barbar. Marry me?!**

"Barbar says yes but only when Tom Tom is better." Her kiss had been soft but loving. For several moments the world seemed to stop. He and Barbara were in love and she had agreed to marry him! It was not the restrained correctness of his first marriage but an organic love with many complex nuances that seemed almost contradictory. It was easy and familiar yet new and full of opportunities. It was solid and grounded and yet he was floating within an ethereal joy that threatened to overwhelm him.

His mother had started to plan a massive wedding in her head; he could tell from her face. He was not subjecting Barbara to the whole Asherton circus. He would introduce her to his formal world when, and if, she was interested. He needed to assert control. **When WE decide we'll tell you.**

Barbara fed him a spoonful of ice-cream. It slid easily down his throat. He waited open-mouthed for the next spoonful but Barbara ate it, completely forgetting it was for him. He pouted his best sad-puppy face and hoped she would take pity. She laughed, gave him another mouthful then kissed him. _Oh yes, when I'm stronger we're going to have such fun._


	10. Chapter 10

**Wednesday 29 July 4:50pm Howenstowe**

Barbara

After breakfast Tommy had been exhausted so Barbara had insisted he sleep. He was restless and reluctant to let her go so she had snuggled next to him and they had held each other tranquilly. She had never dreamt in her wildest fantasies that it would ever feel so normal being wrapped in his arms. This was Tommy! Her boss; and yet it felt as if they had been together for years. She still wondered if she would wake and find this was all a macabre but magical nightmare.

Tommy would not sleep without a kiss but it had rapidly escalated into something frustratingly fiery. She felt guilty for having wicked thoughts about his body when he was still so ill. With effort she kept her hands on top of his pyjamas and explored no further than his chest. Finally they slowed and settled into a cuddle but not before he had grabbed the tablet. **I want to make love to you so much it hurts.**

Barbara laughed softly. _Oh yes it does!_ "Think of it as incentive to get well," she said not so innocently brushing his hand with her breast then blushing at her wantonness.

 **GROAN! Very soon I promise. Kiss me again!**

When they woke it was time for lunch. Mrs Mac had made thick, creamy chicken soup. Barbara fed him a large bowl and an hour later he asked for more and a cup of tea. Being able to communicate had done him as much good as the food and she was confident that he would recover. Kathy had removed his drips and taken the cannulas from his arms. The nurse had been wary that he was still dehydrated but Barbara had managed to get him to drink so much water and tea that Kathy had been kept very busy. Tommy had been charmingly coy and had refused to allow her to help him.

Kathy had given her instructions about exercises for his hand and ankle and during the afternoon Barbara had gently massaged and stretched his damaged right hand. The scars were hard and fibrous and restricted his movements and his muscle tone was poor. She could see it hurt him more than he let on but he insisted on doing as much as he could bear. **Keep going. I don't want to be left-handed!**

"Are you going to be okay when Peter arrives?" Tommy nodded but could not look at her. "Can I tell you a story?" Tommy seemed curious with an expression she knew well from their work. He raised his eyebrows in a 'tell me more' gesture. "When I small, about twelve, we were on holiday down the coast, in that caravan. I was teasing Terry and showing off in front of the kids at the park. Dad took me down to the beach with three buckets. The first he filled with water, the second with sloppy, wet sand and the third with dry sand. He had me put my fist into the water and pull it out. 'What do you see?' he asked me and I told him I saw ripples then the water settled. He did the same with the next bucket the impression my fist made slowly filled with water then the sand settled in. With the third bucket my fist left a hole. Some of the sand slowly trickled in but the hole stayed. Do you know what he was trying to tell me?"

Tommy shook his head but she knew she had his attention. "It was about life. He told me the first bucket represented schoolmates and associates. As adults it would be workmates I suppose. When you leave there are a few ripples for a short time but soon everything returns to normal and it's as if you were never there. They forget you. The second bucket is your friends. They miss you longer but eventually someone takes your place and you fade into a pleasant memory. But the third bucket is your family and the friends you treat like family. When you're gone the hole you leave stays forever. It softens over time and gets less but it's always there."

Barbara stopped as Tommy typed. **We're each other's third bucket.**

She kissed him lightly. "Yeah, we are but Peter and Judith and your mother are also your third bucket. I don't have Terry anymore. I miss him every day. Peter is still alive and you need him. You can spend your lives hating each other but what you both want is love and respect. I get that you were only a boy yourself Tommy but he was just a little kid who probably idolised his big brother just like Terry did me. Don't wait until it's too late. I said sorry to Terry, you can say sorry to Peter. That little word can change so much and I worry that unless you sort it out it will hang over you and I too. I'd like us all to be friends."

Tommy hugged her and she knew that it was his way of composing himself while she could not see his face. She held him protectively. "It'll work out Tommy, I promise."

Barbara heard a car on the driveway. She walked to the window and steadied herself. "Peter's here."

Tommy

He knew it was illogical but Tommy had come to believe that he was only recovering when he was with Barbara. The thought of being separated, even for a few minutes, was unbearable. He could indulge his dependency for a while but he knew Barbara loved the man he had been. She would expect the old Tommy back at some point but the last few weeks had changed him. In many ways the silence had been good. It had given him time and space to think, to see things with a clarity that speech never afforded.

He held Barbara close scarcely able to believe that she could love him so openly and freely. Since he had realised months ago what his feelings for her actually were he had imagined wooing her slowly. Now circumstances had conspired to show them both how much they needed each other and all the worldly excuses had dissolved before their need to be together. He kissed her in a way he hoped hinted at future intimacy. He might be too ill for his body to respond but his mind was well ahead. When her hand gingerly explored his chest he knew she was as frustrated as him but now at least he could tell her. **I want to make love to you so much it hurts.**

"Think of it as incentive to get well!"

 _Incentive! I don't need sex as an incentive I just need you!_ **GROAN! Very soon I promise. Kiss me again!**

Barbara drifted to sleep before him and he thought about Peter. He did not want a war with his brother but he knew Peter was not going to rush in with open arms and welcome Barbara either. He sighed and blocked out the thoughts. He would deal with that later.

As a nurse Barbara was surprisingly caring but there was no way he was going to allow her to help him with his toilet. He would not mind after their relationship developed but when the day finally came to enjoy each other he wanted her to think of him as strong and virile rather than withered and impotent. _A man has to have dome dignity!_

The afternoon vanished in rehabilitation exercises and drinking fluids. His ankle was a little stiff but the gentle circles Barbara rotated it in hurt far less than he expected. Walking would be good. He set a goal to be able to walk to the old fallen tree behind the house by this time next week. They could sit and watch the ocean and he could start to woo Barbara more traditionally.

His hand worried him. He knew he should have used his ball to roll along his hand and squeeze to force movement back into his fingers but until this morning he had not wanted to live or do anything. He tried not to wince but even her gentle massage hurt more than he anticipated although her soft kisses on his scars were so erotic he almost forgot the pain. She stopped before he was ready. Those kisses could cure anything. **Keep going. I don't want to be left-handed!**

"Are you going to be okay when Peter arrives?" _So you feel the tension too._ He nodded reassuringly hoping to avoid the topic but he could tell she had something important to say. He listened carefully to her parable about the three buckets. Her voiced cracked with emotion talking about her brother and father. He wanted to hold her and protect her forever. **We're each other's third bucket.**

"Yeah, we are but Peter and Judith and your mother are also your third bucket. I don't have Terry anymore. I miss him every day. Peter is still alive and you need each other... Don't wait until it's too late. I said sorry to Terry, you can say sorry to Peter. That little word can change so much and I worry that unless you sort it out it will hang over you and I too. I'd like us all to be friends."

Tears welled in his eyes when he thought of his own father and events so long ago. He knew he had hurt Peter and he had never made it up to him. He had just told him to harden up and get over it. He thought back to the months after Helen died. he and his brother were really no different and Tommy felt ashamed of his insensitivity. Barbara was what his family needed to heal old wounds. He had discovered new strengths in her today and he loved her more with every minute they were together. He held her as hard as he could.

They heard the crunch of tyres on the drive. Barbara went to the window. "Peter's here."

Tommy picked up the tablet and started to type.

Peter

It had been a long drive from Canterbury but he had obeyed his mother. Despite what his family sometimes thought he was neither a fool nor uncaring. He loved his mother and sister dearly and he wished he could say the same of his brother. _Just once! Just once did you have to say you were wrong Tommy._ He also knew that Barbara was exactly what Tommy needed. He was jealous of her and her easy relationship with his brother. She could forgive him things he never would and still pop up ready to accept more. Peter could not understand why she did it but he knew they connected in a way no one else would ever fathom. _I would kill for just a small part of that._

For the last half hour he had been watching a car that seemed to be following him. It was several cars behind but each time he turned it turned too. Peter had detoured from his usual route but still the car stayed there in the middle distance. He debated whether he should drive to Nanrunnel and fetch the police but as he approached the drive the car pulled over. He was convinced it was Millan. If he went into the village he might be too late. Peter pulled into the drive and raced from the car. He warned the police constable on the door who radioed for back up. Winston was in the living room. "It's Millan, come on," he called to him as he raced up the stairs and into his brother's room.


	11. Chapter 11

**Wednesday 29 July 4:59 pm Howenstowe**

Barbara

When Peter burst into the room she stepped between he and Tommy fearing that the young hothead might attack Tommy. Instead it was much worse. "Millan! He followed me. He's out there somewhere."

Winston looked out the window. "It's getting dark and it looks like a storm. There's no sign of anyone."

Barbara watched the brothers. Neither took their eyes from the other for several seconds but then as if by silent agreement, their faces became neutral. Tommy made a gun with his fingers then traced a square in the air. "Combination still the same?" Peter asked. Tommy nodded and his brother raced from the room.

Dorothy and Kathy stood protectively either side of Tommy while Barbara's mind raced. She vaguely remembered the layout of the house. "Is there a small maid's room?" She asked Dorothy.

"Yes, at the end of the hall up a small staircase. Why?"

"I want to move Tommy there. Millan probably bribed someone and knows exactly which room we're in."

Dorothy paled but busied herself preparing to move to the spare room. Kathy helped as Barbara wondered how to move him. Peter rushed back in with a large, old-style revolver that he placed on the table. "Got it and spare bullets," he told his brother.

"We're moving Tommy to the maid's room can you help me walk him?"

Peter walked over and gently picked up his brother in his arms. Barbara was touched by his gentleness. He carried him to the room. Dorothy unlocked the door. The room was cramped and slightly musty but with only a small, high window Barbara knew it was much safer. Peter laid Tommy carefully on the cover of the small bed. Kathy wrapped a blanket around him and Dorothy sat next to him holding his hand. Barbara kissed him quickly. "I'll be back as soon as we get him."

Tommy grabbed her arm painfully to stop her leaving. "I have to protect you," she said gently.

"You can do that best by staying here. Keep my brother and mother safe along with Kathy. He needs you so there's no point in getting hurt too is there? There are police outside but if he does get in Winston and I can manage," Peter insisted. He reminded Barbara so much of Tommy.

She knew the sense of his argument. Tommy was frustrated but near exhaustion. She had to stay with him. "Be careful. Both of you. Winston did you call for back up?"

"They'll be here in ten minutes. This is just precautionary."

Peter and Winston left the room and Dorothy locked the door behind them. Barbara sat on the bed and held Tommy's hand. The clock on the wall ticked ominously above the silence; five minutes then ten. She had begun to believe nothing would happen when the lights went out. "Millan's in the house," she declared calmly.

Tommy

He had known Millan would surface eventually. _How could Peter be so stupid as to draw him here?_ He knew it was not his brother's fault but he should be protecting the family. He signalled for his brother to retrieve their father's revolver from the safe. It would give some protection if the worst happened.

Barbara was making plans to move him and completely ignored him as he shook his head. He wanted them to leave. He would confront Millan with his revolver as back up. Even as he ran through the plan in his head he could see it was fatally flawed. He was not well enough.

When Peter had picked him up effortlessly Tommy understood how frail he had become. His mind seemed the same but his body had failed him. He could not even tell Peter what he needed to do. He was almost superfluous and yet people were rallying to save him. The nurse and his mother fussed too much but he understood it was nerves. Barbara had that steely look that he knew meant she was going to tackle Millan. He had to stop that. _You are no good to me dead or injured. I need you here with me. Always!_

Peter must have understood because he begged Barbara to protect his family. He watched his brother go and wished him well. Peter was headstrong, determined and prone to ill-considered bravado. _Yes, he is like me!_ Barbara took his hand as if she understood and the warmth filled his soul. He searched for his tablet but it must have been left in the other room. He was back in the world of gestures and blinks. He squeezed her hand to tell her he understood her frustration.

Time crawled as he listened for the sirens of the local police. Logically they would be fine. Two officers were posted at the front and rear entrances and Winston was with Peter. Millan would never get near them. He held that thought until the lights went out. His brother was in mortal danger.

Peter

As he raced up the stairs he had almost forgotten his anger and revulsion at Tommy's dalliance with Barbara. He knew his resentment of her stemmed from the way she could read him almost as well as she could she predict the behaviour of his brother. She had not attempted to veil her contempt for him when she had first been down at Howenstowe for Tommy's engagement party. He had seen the lioness in her eyes when he had drunkenly toasted the happy couple in sarcasm. Helen had simply been embarrassed but Barbara would have killed for Tommy. He depended on that now. "Millan! He followed me. He's out there somewhere," he cried as he crashed into the room.

Tommy may have been mute but he still controlled the room. Nkata checked the window; Barbara was plotting Tommy's safety. The nurse was gathering supplies, and his mother was standing guard. Tommy had easily reminded him about their father's gun. When he returned it was clear Tommy had assumed his position as Earl, ready to defend the realm. He was in no fit state. Peter lifted his brother with reverence. He could not say in front of everyone that he loved his brother despite everything that stood between them but he hoped Tommy would understand. Once they were all safely ensconced in the maid's room Barbara prepared herself to fight Millan. "I have to protect you," she told Tommy.

He respected her but he knew his brother would never survive her death or injury. He was no longer a child; well past his phase as the drug-addled fool everyone assumed him to was time for him to prove he was worthy. "You can do that best by staying here. Keep my brother and mother safe along with Kathy. He needs you so there's no point in getting hurt too is there? There are police outside but if he does get in Winston and I can manage."

Peter stripped off his shirt as he ran back to Tommy's room. He snatched the gun from the table, checked its load and then climbed into the bed. Winston took his agreed position behind the curtain. He ruffled his hair and slunk down under the covers. Something hard jabbed into his leg. It was a tablet PC. He swiped the screen and started to read the typing.

 **Peter. No words can ever adequately express my shame and sorrow. Barbara has helped me understand that we are cut from the same cloth my brother. I should never have left you alone when Father died. I was too self-righteous about Mother and Trenarrow, too selfish about how much I had been hurt and too short-sighted to realise I was burdening you for life. I AM SORRY! I chose a different drug when Helen died but I was no better than you. I looked for a way to hide from the world and wallow in self-pity. I accused you of doing the same but I know it is not black and white. If Millan succeeds I want you to know I do love you, I always have but I never knew how to show it. I thought by being tough on you I was making you resilient and protected from the hurt I had experienced but now I know instead that I was inflicting that pain just as much as if I had beaten you. I should have...**

The typing stopped and Peter ached to know what Tommy would have written. He sniffed then fingered the gun beside him. _I'll make you proud Tommy!_ As he contemplated what to say to his brother the lights died. He heard Winston rustle nervously behind the curtain. He exhaled slowly to calm his nerves. His heart was racing. He waited. _Surely Millan would assume people were with him and never try to attack._ Peter thought about what he would do if he were Millan. _What if he tries to burn the house down?_ He ignored the fear that crept up his spine. _This is personal. He'll want to see him die._

 **Wednesday 29 July 5:07 pm Howenstowe**

Peter

In the dark time was irrelevant. His eyes slowly adjusted to the dark but all he could discern were vague shadows. Winston would cover the window so he focussed on the dark outline of the old oak door. He curled his hand around the cold stock of the revolver. He prayed that Tommy kept it clean and oiled. It might be all that stood between him and eternal damnation.

He thought he heard soft steps in the corridor. There had always been a squeaking board just before Tommy's door and Millan had just stepped on it sending a warning echo into the room. Peter clicked off the safety catch and watched. The door opened quickly. Millan was in the room. Peter saw only a dark blurry shape merge into the shadows. His mouth was dry and the noble bravado of earlier deserted him. Now it was a man in bed with a gun and a policeman behind a curtain versus a crazed killer renowned for his hunting skills. Peter feared Millan might have the advantage.

When the strike came it was swift. Millan was on him before he could react. A knee pinned his wrist to the bed and Peter dropped the gun. Millan's knife sliced the flesh of his bicep. It stung and burned but brought Peter to life. Millan would not expect him to be strong or have a voice so as he saw the glint of the blade arc high above his head he let out a blood-curdling yell that any Celtic warrior charging into battle would have been proud to have made. Millan shifted his weight and paused just long enough for Peter to grab the revolver and point it at Millan. Peter could smell fish on his attacker's breath as he moved closer. _The bastard thinks he's going to cut my throat!_ As Millan lunged Peter fired. He had hoped to hit the man with the gun but there was no time. A brief yellowy red flash lit up the bed and a cloud of duck down floated up. Millan slumped over him, his knife grazing Peter's shoulder. He lay stunned at what he had done.

 **Wednesday 29 July 5:07 pm Howenstowe**

Barbara

The scream was Peter's. She wanted to go to him but Tommy's hand held her back. Logically she knew Winston was there and that she could do nothing but endanger herself and perhaps the others. She was however senior officer on site. _I should do something._ When she heard the gunshot she felt Tommy's hand go limp. She turned to Dorothy. "Give me the key!"

She unlocked the door and ran down the hallway.

Tommy

He had never felt more helpless and redundant nor more proud. His brother was doing what Tommy should have done and he worried that his brother might be hurt protecting him. Barbara froze when they heard Peter scream but he had heard that war cry before when his brother had repeatedly run down the hill near the house imitating Braveheart as a six year old. When the revolver was fired Tommy could only hope it had been in his brother's hand.

Peter

Winston pulled Millan away then pulled out his phone and called an ambulance. Peter did not know if he was dead or not but he had just shot a man. It had been him or Millan but he was still sickened by what he had done.

 _Tommy!_ Peter knew everyone would have heard the gunshot. He stood too quickly and the world spun. He steadied himself against the table. "Is he dead?"

Winston looked up. "Yes."

"It was him or me," Peter said frailly. He could hear voices outside the house.

"Yes, self-defence. I saw everything."

"Peter! Are you hurt?"

Peter turned to see Barbara's concern. "The bastard cut me but I'm fine." The lights went on and he closed his eyes against the harsh reality. When he opened them again the room had become a crime scene. He looked down at his tee-shirt and saw that his blood had mingled with Millan's. He ripped it off and threw it on the floor. Barbara was staring at him with a mixture of admiration and fear. "I'm sorry," he said as he embraced her, "can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course...you're his brother, now go and see Tommy."


	12. Chapter 12

**Saturday 17 October 2:54 pm Howenstowe**

Barbara

"Judith please! Stop fussing, I'm nervous enough."

"I just want everything to be perfect for you. Tommy's worked so hard to be ready and you've been wonderful with him. I never thought he'd be walking again now and even his hand is almost normal. I just wish he could speak for you. He had so much speech therapy I thought it would work."

"He may never be able to but it's okay Judith, I've got used to different grunts and sounds and he's never without that new tablet Peter bought him. We manage." Barbara had hoped that Tommy's voice would return. He had stopped her coming to his speech therapy, she presumed because he had made virtually no progress. She sensed his frustration but he reassured her that one day he would speak. Sometimes at night when she lay in his arms she just wanted him to be able say he loved her. She knew he did and he typed it constantly on his tablet but just once she would like to hear the words. It had only been three months but already her memory of his voice was fading. Hour after hour for years she had listened to him outlining a theory, arguing with her or boring her about a topic in which she had no interest but endured just to hear her melodious cadence of her favourite baritone. She sighed; it did not really matter. He was alive and getting stronger.

"Well I hope the vicar sees the two blinks for yes when he asks if he takes you as his wife."

"Oh, I think Tommy has made it very clear that he is keen. Now help me with this dress. I don't want to crease it."

Barbara had chosen not to be festooned as a bride. "I'm too old and awkward to look like a doll," she had told Tommy. "Just something simple." He had readily agreed and surprisingly had not been fazed at her request for him to wear a simple grey serge suit and white shirt with no tie. She had taken Judith with her to choose an outfit. She had originally envisaged a smart suit but as soon as she had seen the dress she had known it was the one. The sleeveless ivory Thai silk cocktail length dress with matching bolero jacket had a soft, full skirt and when it caught the light it transformed into an enchantingly muted gold. Emerald silk inserts on the sides hugged her figure and gave her curves that even Barbara had to admit were a little sexy. The bodice and jacket were piped with emerald; the same piping that formed an abstract flower on the left breast of the jacket. It matched the emerald earrings and necklace she had bought because she thought they highlighted her eyes. Tommy had insisted on paying but she noticed even his eyebrows went up when he saw the jeweller's bill for '2 items of jewellery'.

"Is it bad luck to wear green to your wedding?" she asked Judith as she stood frowning at herself in the full length mirror.

Judith laughed. "No, but it's too late now anyway. The wedding starts in six minutes."

Tommy

Tommy went to the bathroom for the third time in ten minutes. He was happy, nervous, excited, scared, and contented in equal measure. He could not wait to have Barbara as his countess but the ceremony scared him. His ankle was fine so long as he did not stand for excessive periods. It had healed quickly and after a month in a supportive medical boot he had been walking unaided. Each day he and Barbara would walk a little further or a bit faster. His left hand had some tenderness near the scar but otherwise was fine but his right had taken considerable therapy to restore. Now he had about half strength and he could move every finger. His writing, which had never been Copperplate, was appalling but he had practiced his signature for hours when he was alone just to ensure he could sign legibly today.

Peter handed him a box. "From Barbara with instructions to wear it."

Tommy opened it and smiled. There was a dark emerald silk tie and matching handkerchief for his pocket. **She said no tie. I thought this was casual.**

"You might still think of her as your sergeant Tommy but she is a woman after all. They can change their minds."

Tommy nodded then headed for the bathroom again. When he returned Peter helped him with the tie. "Schoolboy, full Windsor or Trinity?"

 **Full Windsor**.

Tommy pointed to his finger. "Yes," Peter said, "the rings are in my pocket. Now hurry up, it's almost time. Do you want the bathroom again?" Tommy sighed and regretted drinking so much coffee at lunchtime.

Judith

She had rushed down after the shooting fearing that her family would be in tatters. Instead her mother was calm. In typical fashion her only comment had been to complain about the blood on one of her best Turkish rugs. Even her brothers had finally resolved years of resentment and animosity. The friendship and understanding between them was palpable. At the centre of it all she suspected was an unobtrusive redhead who had become lioness of the family.

Barbara had told her of the events of that night but no one except the brothers knew what had occurred in that hour when Peter had gone to Tommy after the shooting. Neither man mentioned it and she was sure Tommy had not even enlightened Barbara. Peter had struggled with nightmares until the inquest. In his usual style Tommy had insisted on standing with his brother and in the end the whole family had sat in a row of solidarity listening to the verdict formally clearing Peter's name. His nightmares had ceased and he now spent much of his time with Tommy. Judith was relieved and happy that they were finally the brothers they should have been.

Now Tommy and Barbara were finally being married. Tommy had insisted on waiting until he was strong enough to walk his bride down the aisle and sign the register. Barbara had confided weeks ago that he had also refused to consummate their relationship until after they wed. Judith had thought it odd for her brother who had had no qualms bedding any woman that moved in the past. She knew Barbara found it frustrating but had understood that he wanted their first time to be perfect and not marred by uncoordinated, trembling hands and a dodgy ankle that might restrict his movement and ability to bear weight. Now though they had both built tonight up so much in their minds Judith feared a disaster. Neither of them deserved that and poor Barbara was virtually a virgin. _Please let it work for them!_

She smoothed the wrinkles from the back of the dress and tried to assure Barbara. "No, but it's too late now anyway. The wedding starts in six minutes."

Peter

Since the night of the shooting Peter had been on an emotional rollercoaster. When he went to Tommy that first night he had told him about Millan but he had also confessed to a lifetime of sins. He had expected Tommy to judge him but instead he had held him like a little boy and wiped away his tears as he listened to Peter unburdened his soul. Neither had mentioned it since but they had grown into a new relationship that they both needed.

He handed Tommy the present and laughed at his reaction. _So she can still surprise you!_ Barbara had become such a part of Peter's life that he had realised recently he had fallen a little in love with her. He had told Tommy expecting a jealous rage but instead his brother had simply typed, **I understand but she loves me and always will. I hope you find that too one day.** It had never been mentioned again but Peter had noticed Tommy and his mother scouting for suitable young women for him.

He smiled as he watched his brother stride to the bathroom again. "Schoolboy, full Windsor or Trinity?" he asked when he returned. Tommy sat on the bed. He stood behind his brother and manoeuvred the tie around his neck. Tommy flinched and Peter laid his hand on his shoulder. _Stupid me! It must remind him of the garrotte._ He knotted the tie quickly and made his brother stand up for review. He picked a speck off the collar. Tommy fretted about the rings and Peter patted his pocket. "Do you want the bathroom again?" Peter smiled as Tommy trudged off grunting.

 **Saturday 17 October 3:01 pm Howenstowe**

Tommy

Barbara was a minute late and he suddenly feared she might change her mind. _Who would want a crippled mute?_ Peter nudged him in the ribs and he turned to see Barbara walking towards him. He swallowed hard and tried not to become too emotional. She was beautiful. A vision of perfection. Her face lit up when their eyes met and he would have paid three times more for that jewellery if he had known the affect it would have on him. He straightened his tie nervously as she came towards him.

Barbara had not wanted a religious service but Reverend Martin, the Nanrunnel vicar, was young man with less traditional views. His trendy haircut and discreet tattoo were only a glimpse of his connection to real people. He had spent years working with the poor in South London and Barbara had begun to help him with some of his charity work here when he had asked her to investigate food that was being stolen from the kitchen they used to prepare meals for the older residents no longer able to cook for themselves. They had become friends and had readily agreed to modified, personalised vows.

Tommy listened enraptured as Barbara declared her never-ending love for him and her promise to help him in everything he did. He tried hard not to compare her to Helen but she had taken a genuine interest in him and everything he did. She had shocked him when he discovered she had commissioned his mother to give her "countess lessons". He had discovered that by accident when she had corrected him on the placement of the fish knives the night they had invited Hillier down to Howenstowe. _I wonder what other surprises you have in store?_

He knew his vows were coming up. Instead of reciting them as Barbara had done he only needed to nod when asked to make his promise. He wanted to clear his throat but could not so he waited dry-mouthed for his moment.

"Do you Thomas solemnly promise that you will love Barbara above all others, that you will protect her from harm, treat her as your equal, recognise and honour her uniqueness and strengths and work together to build a lasting and faithful marriage?"

His moment had come.

Barbara

He was as handsome as ever. He was still thin but his suit was well tailored and he looked like he had when they first met. She could not help but smile at the cheeky grin he was giving her; the one that always affected her in ways that until recently she had considered inappropriate. It was loving and proud but also greedily hungry. She knew he was thinking about tonight with the same urgent anticipation and now she could finally act on her desires.

The ceremony went quickly. She remembered her vows perfectly. The vicar read Tommy's as she and her earl stood facing each other both hands clasped together between them. "...to build a lasting and faithful marriage?" She waited for his nod but it never came.

"I do. I love you Barbara."

After a collective gasp awkward silence filled the air. Barbara knew tears were probably spoiling her makeup but she did not care. She tugged on his hands. He grinned at her then leant down and kissed her.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride," the vicar said hurriedly over the claps from the crowd.

Never one for protocol Barbara wrapped her arms around him and kissed him passionately. This was their wedding, their moment and Tommy had finally spoken. She would kiss him now and deal with the fallout later.

 **Saturday 17 October 3:34 pm Howenstowe**

Tommy

The radiant joy on her face when he spoke would be imprinted on his heart forever. Her kiss had been so enticing that he had almost forgotten he was in front of a hundred guests who might not have understood if he had made love to her right there and then.

Now they had a quick moment alone before the reception and he walked her over behind the old oak tree on the edge of the garden. "Tonight will be special," he whispered after he had kissed again, "I promise."

Barbara pushed back from him. "And just how long have you been able to talk?"

"About two weeks," he admitted.

"And you kept it from me when you knew I was hoping so hard."

"Don't be angry, I wanted to surprise you. It's still a strain to talk but I'm going to be fine."

"I'm not really angry but no more secrets. I should have included that in our vows!"

Tommy laughed and held her to his chest. "Well in that case I had better tell you that we leave for Greece tomorrow night for two weeks."

"Greece? Ancient ruins and sleazy taxi drivers?" He spotted her wrinkling her nose then trying to disguise it."No, I've hired an island for us. It'll be just us and the housekeeper."

"An island?" He smiled at her adorable predictability. _One day you'll get used to this life._ He laughed softly at the incredulous look on her face. "It's only a small one with one villa and three private beaches. We can frolic naked to our hearts content."

This time he wished he had a camera. He laughed so hard his throat hurt but it was worth it. _Mind you, it's not an unappealing idea._

Barbara

She could never really be angry with him for wanting to surprise her but she was not going to let him think he could get away with deception. "And just how long have you been able to talk?" she demanded with just the right note of annoyance.

"About two weeks."

Now her annoyance became real. _Do you know how often in that time I have tormented myself that you might never talk._ "And you kept it from me when you knew I was hoping so hard."

"Don't be angry." He was looking at her with those soft brown come-to-bed eyes that she struggled to resist.

"...no more secrets..." She could not take her eyes off his but he laughed and pulled her back into a hug. She stroked his back as he whispered a secret. _Greece? Honeymoon?_ She pushed back to look at him but he was not joking. She tried hard to disguise her disappointment. _Trust him to want to visit historical sites!_

"No, I've hired an island for us."

"An island?" He had gone mad. _You can't just hire a Greek Island. Can you?_

"It's only a small one with one villa and three private beaches. We can frolic naked to our hearts content." Now as he laughed she thought he was taking the mickey out of her but maybe not. She knew she had looked astonished. _Two can play at that!_ She traced her hand seductively over his chest. He stopped laughing as she ran her finger over his belt and paused.

Tommy wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, trapping her hand and making her shiver with delight. He kissed her hard as he ground his hip against hers. She had no fear about tonight; there was no mistaking that his yearning for her matched her own hunger. They would be extremely compatible lovers.

"Come on Countess that's merely a hint of what I have planned," he said breaking reluctantly away, "the sooner we get the speeches over the sooner we can slip away and into something far more comfortable."

"Tommy!" He slipped his arm around her shoulder just as he had done so often before and they walked across to the marquee that had been set up on the lawn exchanging wicked ideas about what they could do alone on an island.


End file.
